


You've Got Mail!

by tootooroo



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 19:32:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11789949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tootooroo/pseuds/tootooroo
Summary: Just like high school students who like to text during lessons, the teachers are pretty much the same—except that they do it by e-mail, using their PC, so that their supervisor thought they were doing work errands. A little bit of Royai.





	1. First Day of Class

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Gotta find your new chess playmate, pal_

It’s been weeks pass the new year eve and I still got to see the ‘new year, new me’ bullshit. Well guess what? More like ‘new academic year, more new responsibility’ for me.

Apparently I was appointed as the homeroom teacher for those 10th grade freshmen. Damn Bradley and his cunning ways—I was busy finishing my brunch, and he (intentionally, I bet) chose that _exact_ moment to shove me a piece of paper. I signed it right away without paying much attention (well don’t blame me. Sciezka’s big mac was _really good_ , just so you know) and the next thing I knew, my name was included in the homeroom teacher list.

Am I being theatrical? Trust me, I almost ‘meh’-ed it until I saw the list of students placed in my class. And, godforsaken, one of them was Alphonse. Fckn. **Elric**.

As if one Elric is not enough for this school already (yes, I did check his personal information—they are _indeed_ brothers).

If something could make it better tho, the 11th-grader Elric is placed in Hawkeye’s homeroom class. Let’s just see what kind of chaos that prankster dares to pull off under her nose.

Him who gained 10 lbs during the winter break,

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_Cc : Maria Ross_

_From : King Bradley_

_Attachment : 032_Ling_Yao.zip, 033_Lan_Fan.zip_

_Subject : Transfer Student_

Ms. Hawkeye,

I write to inform you that in addition to the students placed in your homeroom class, there will be two transfer students to enroll:

**Yao, Ling** (class of 2016, transfer student from Xing Private School)

**Fan, Lan** (class of 2016, transfer student from Xing Private School)

Please note that these students have completed the administrative requirement and are ready to attend classes starting this new academic year.

I attached their personal information files in this e-mail. Gladly contact the School Guidance Counselor, Ms. Maria Ross, to proceed according to the standard operating procedure.

Regards,

**King Bradley**

_Staff, Head of Administrative Affairs_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

_._

_._

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Re: Gotta find your new chess playmate, pal_

An old saying that a man’s brain contain is inversely proportional to his stomach’s contain is true, apparently.

Don’t be so dramatic. Been there done that—being a homeroom teacher is not as bad as they say it is. (Or, that was what I was going to say before I knew that you’ve got an Elric to tend. In this case, just good luck with that.)

Speaking of which, Hawkeye’s homeroom class this year is really something, indeed. That pipsqueak and three at-risk-students _and_ two foreign transfer students who, are still struggling to adapt to this country’s language and culture. That old man really knows how to solve things quickly.

P.s give me back my chess set ASAP.

Regards,

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : I met Fatty at the water cooler and he told me_

You hit the ‘jackpot’, Ri. No joke. Not even a senior teacher like Vato had been assigned to a class like _that_. See? Your grandpop is indeed heartless! I was not exaggerating anything!

But objectively speaking, that is in fact an efficient move, considering the accreditation is only months away. You can do it, girl—in fact, you’re the best one who can handle this situation. I’ve spent my cash on those latest winter collection items I stashed in your room that I can’t afford to treat you a whole pan of that infamous strawberry shortcake from that café near the subway so, cheer up!

Anyway, there will be a new teaching staff this year. Seems that she teaches some sort of literature, I don’t know. Just wait till the Principal give us an official announcement.

And if rumours (which rumours? Water-cooler-chat rumours, for the winner!) are to be believed, that woman is scary. As. Heck. Maybe scarier than you, if that is even possible. Chill down a little, Honey—else Mustang won’t have enough gut to make further move on you!

P.s I’ll let you know if Maria offers a counseling session for teachers—seems that you really need it.

Your most beautiful flatmate,

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heracle Poarma_

_From : Izumi Curtis_

_Subject : Where are all the al dente?_

You read that. And don’t bullshit me, Scar—your culinary art class won’t be starting in the next three days. I need them for tomorrow’s lunch menu and Greed (also known as Christopher Vinther, the school’s treasurer. Heaven knows where that nickname came from) will not give me even a penny to restock.

Ignore this message until 5 p.m and I will take back those pans you borrowed for your class.

**Izumi Curtis**

_Staff, Head of School-managed Canteen_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Attachment : Elycia_on_winter_vacation .zip, Gracia_and_elycia_building_a_snowman .jpg_

_Subject : Your girlfriend seems pretty pissed off_

First thing first,

LOOK AT MY BABES ELYCIA AND GRACIA ENJOYING OUR VACATION! WOOHOO!

Okay, so what did our renowned womanizer do to his blonde? I saw her when she walked out of her class and—wow, she got _that_ look Gracia has everytime our neighbor’s dog pooped on our yard!

Were you that bad in bed, seriously?

A preacher to Elysia’s beauty,

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Maes Hughes_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Re: Your girlfriend seems pretty pissed off_

No. I’m not wasting 34 GB bandwith to download _your_ vacation documentaries, for fck’s sake.

How many times do I have to tell you, Maes, she is NOT my girlfriend. Yet. Whatever you take it.

It has something to do with her new homeroom class. Stop collaging 200-ish photos of Elysia all day and go out to chat a bit at the water cooler or pantry to catch some news.

Gotta catch my next class soon,

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Maes Hughes_

_From : Kain Fuery_

_Subject : Bandwith limit_

Mr. Hughes,

With all due respect, you have reached half of the limit of your bandwith this month on the _first_ day of this semester. I suggest you to reduce unnecessary internet usage in order to continue using the wifi until the end of this month.

(Seriously, manipulating your data usage can bring me serious consequences. I did it once. I’m not doing it for the second time. Uh, sorry…)

Warmth,

**Kain Fuery**

_Staff, Department of Information and Technology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Eugene Grumman_

_Subject : Announcement Letter : New Academic Year 2017_

My dearest staffs,

Happy belated new year, and welcome to the new academic year of 2017. I really appreciate your hardwork in the previous year, and I hope this time, too, we can also work together, hand-in-hand, to achieve the same success just like last term, if not better.

First, as we all know, the next Triennial Accreditation for Amestris State Senior High Schools will be held this year. In order to prepare ourselves to face it, we have made several adjustments both in structural and functional positions;

**Board of Accreditation Preparation :** Roy Mustang, Miles, Vato Falman

**Head of the Laboratory :** Tim Marcoh

**Homeroom teachers for class of 2015 :** Maes Hughes, Heracle Poarma

**Homeroom teachers for class of 2016 :** Alex Louis Armstrong, Queen Rizzie

**Homeroom teachers for class of 2017 :** Heymans Breda, Jean Havoc

Second, I write this letter as well to announce that we will be welcoming a new teacher into our big family. Her name is **Olivier Mira Armstrong** , and she teaches German literatures. An expert in her major, she had been teaching the subject at North Amestris Senior High School for years prior to her transfer here. Ms. Armstrong will be arriving tomorrow, so make sure to spare some of your time to get to know each others better.

Feel free to knock on my office door should you have any concern.

Warmest regards,

**Eugene Grumman**

_Principal_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Eugene Grumman_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Re: Announcement Letter : New Academic Year 2017_

Mr. Grumman,

I am honored to be trusted with such a responsibility without any prior notice, let alone my consent. In the future, should anyone find any trouble-maker students in their room, they are more than welcomed in my class. Thank you, Sir, I mean it. _Thank you_.

_Thank. You._

And please start calling me by my proper name and title, especially in official letters.

With the biggest gratitude,

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

**To be continued**


	2. The new teacher

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda, Roy Mustang_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : No kidding, the new teacher is smokin’ hot_

You guys met her already? Drop. Dead. Gorgeous.

I mean _look_ , bro. That figure. Those full lips. Most importantly, that _busty_ torso. I am starting to question the real motive behind that old man’s decision to request her here. I thought she would just be a little relieve to our school’s female staff shortage, but turned out she’s just… _wow_.

Haven’t got the chance to talk to her, though. Maybe I will, during the lunch break. But from what the kids told me, she is apparently pretty _stern_ in her lessons. Dunno if that also applies in her daily life? Meh, even if it does, real men would love a little challenge! Although I do admit that she looks pretty intimidating from afar.

Yeah, she’s maybe a little elder than most of us here, but hey, still better than having a hot for one of those schoolgirls, right? It’s against my morale.

P.s doesn’t she look surprisingly familiar?

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_From : Denny Brosh_

_Subject : Just done processing that new German literature teacher’s biodata_

Mr. Alex,

Olivier Mira Armstrong is your _elder_ _sister_?! Why didn’t you tell us earlier?!

And yes, despite her rather-normal size, she still got a monstrous strength, just like you. I tried to crack a joke in order to brighten up the air during our data processing, but apparently she’s not into my sense of humor.

Gotta ask Mr. Christopher to provide me a new desk.

**Denny Brosh**

_Staff, Administrative Affairs_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda, Jean Havoc_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Re: No kidding, the new teacher is smokin’ hot_

‘Morale’? It’s not something I expect from a pervert who had just described an adult female’s body parts so… explicitly.

And no. Haven’t met her yet. Hawkeye’s going to kill me if I don’t enter her class soon.

Sigh, _women_.

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc, Roy Mustang_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: Re: No kidding, the new teacher is smokin’ hot_

Jean. I have no words for this. Go see Ross, maybe she can knock some common sense into your head.

And don’t be such a hypocrite, Mr. Casanova. Questioning someone’s ‘morale’? Think we don’t know what you do in your free time?

The only one sane enough here,

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Edward Elric_

_Cc : Maria Ross_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Detention Notice_

The student **Edward Elric** will be detained after school on **March 7** from **3:30 p.m** until **4:30 p.m** for the following reason(s):

**Intentionally drenching Mr. Roy Mustang, a chemistry teacher, in water by putting a bucket full of  them above the door right before he entered the classroom.**

Signed,

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Maria Ross_

_Subject : Detention notice already? On the second day of school?_

Your class, Riza, I swear. Not even Mr. Hughes’ class last year can compare to this. It’s allright, though, we will work things out.

Keep up our spirit,

**Maria Ross**

_Teacher, School Guidance Counselor_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Izumi Curtis_

_Cc : Sig Curtis, King Bradley_

_From : Heracle Poarma_

_Subject : Re: Where are all the al dente?_

Ishvalla help us, I did  NOT steal your pasta, Mrs. Curtis.

Did Bradley fail to inform you? Since my class starts on Friday, I took a few days of leave right after the winter break to visit my families back in Ishval. How do you think I steal all your pasta from here? Telekinetics? Please.

And don’t you dare taking back those pans. Accreditations is just a few months away and if our institution’s grade goes down just because its Culinary Art Laboratory got no untensils in it, that old Grumman will surely fire me.

I’m not apologizing for this late reply. It’s rather hard to get any internet signal here in my hometown, and that’s hardly my fault.

(P.s Bradley, this is what happened when you don’t do your job properly.)

With Ishvalan pride,

**Heracle Poarma**

_Teacher, Cullinary Art_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : Heracle Poarma_

_From : King Bradley_

_Subject : Re: Re: Where are all the al dente?_

Mr. Scar,

I do not recall reading ‘informing staffs for their coworker’s leaves or absences’ on my job description. Get your facts straight.

With Amestrian spirit,

**King Bradley**

_Staff, Head of Administrative Affairs_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Miles_

_Subject : My deep condolences_

I’m sorry to hear that you got pranked by Elric, _again_ , for the only-God-knows-th time.

But no, being soaked head-to-toe is not a valid reason to neglect works. We are still going to hold the meeting. The principal has something to say regarding the accreditation preparation, so make sure to dry yourself properly before 2:45 p.m this afternoon.

Regards,

**Miles**

_Teacher, Physics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Sciezka_

_From : Vato Falman_

_Subject : Book Request_

Ms. Sciezka,

Could you please look up for the book titled _Series of Complete History of Amestris: Amestrian Geopolitical Aspects from Time to Time_? I remembered correctly that I had put it back on its original place in Section B, rack number 9, row 3, thirteen books from the left after I read it yesterday. This morning, though, I went to pick that book and it was not there. I was catching my next class, thus I had not enough time to search for it and left.

I will appreciate it if you could fetch that for me to pick up after my meeting.

Thank you in advance.

**Vato Falman**

_Teacher, History_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : To my Immortal Beloved_

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

_Take, o take those lips away_

_That so sweetly were forsworn,_

_And those eyes, the break of day,_

_Lights that di mislead the morn:_

_But my kisses bring again,_

_Bring again—_

_Seals of love, but seal’d in vain,_

_Seal in vain!_

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

Eternally yours,

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Re: To my Immortal Beloved_

Mr. Roy,

Was the water really cold that it freezed your brain vasculatures, or did the bucket hit you hard enough it gave you concussion? Last time I checked, you were fluent in the language of chemistry when you were writing your thesis on applied organic chemistry under my father’s advisory, and suddenly you are quoting Shakespeare.

Let me fetch you a cup of hot coffee from the pantry to make you feel better.

P.s I truly apologize for my student’s behavior.

Regards,

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Maes Hughes_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : (No subject)_

HOLY SHIT, MAES. STOP MESSING AROUND WITH MY PERSONAL COMPUTER WHEN I AM AWAY FROM IT DRYING MY FCKN CLOTHES.

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Attachment : photo_0344 .jpeg_

_Subject : Re: (No subject)_

You are the one to talk, Roy-boy.

Thanks to _me_ , you are _now_ relishing a nice cup of coffee **and** a nice conversation with her. Don’t think I can’t see your suppressed smirk, you cheeky little rascal. (And yes, you _owed_ me for that—grant my daughter’s wish and spend the next Saturday with her at our home, and it’d be paid off.)

Don’t bother replying to this mail—just enjoy your time.

P.s Ow silly me, who would expect you to take your eyes off hers to check on incoming e-mails when you’re looking at her like _this_?

_ (Click here to display photo_0344 .jpeg) _

Totally going to the school’s wall bulletin.

Elysia’s Loving Dad,

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : URGENT NOTICE: Roy Mustang_

Has anybody seen Mr. Roy Mustang? He was supposed to hold a meeting with the Principal thirty minutes ago. I’ve tried to reach him but all my e-mails and phonecalls got no response.

Should anybody know his whereabouts, please do ask him to go to the Principal’s office ASAP.

Trust me, Roy, you won’t fancy the Principal when he’s in a foul mood.

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Riza Hawheye_

_Subject : Re: URGENT NOTICE: Roy Mustang_

He’s dashing to Grumman’s office at full speed. Clumsy boy didn’t even tell me he had a meeting to attend.

Anyway Beck, please do wait for me a little before we head home? I’ve got something to deal with Edward after school. I’ll fill you in later.

Regards,

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Vato Falman_

_From : Sciezka_

_Subject : Re: Book Request_

Sorry for the late reply, Mr. Falman.

I got stuck under a heap of books until Kain helped me (glad he passed by!), but at last I found you the book.

You can take it from the librarian desk anytime!

Warmest regards,

**Sciezka**

_Staff, Head of Library and Information Services_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda, Roy Mustang_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Abort mission. I repeat; abort mission_

Guys hear me out.

Olivier Mira Armstrong went from _dropdead gorgeous_ to _downright scary_ in less than _two minutes_ I talked to her.

Gonna tell you guys later. I still have to assist Alex in the Gymnasium after school.

P.s How could he forget to mention that they are _siblings_? And give me initial warnings, while at it?

Just got kneed right in the nuts,

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let’s just assume that the school starts on the second week of March—the transition between winter and spring, in the northern hemisphere. Class of 2017 (the year in which this fic was published) has just entered the first year of high school (tenth grade), thus class of 2016 is the sophomore, and class of 2015 has entered their senior year, ready for college. I tried to make the setting as real as possible, and since the school system in my country is not exactly the same with the one here, please tell me if there’s something odd!  
> And from we all can infer already, I made up some names for Greed (Christopher Vinther) and Scar (Heracle Poarman), because we can’t just write ‘Greed’ and ‘Scar’ in their e-mail signatures! I still retain those as their nicknames tho, for practicality. If anyone is interested on how I picked their names, just let me know in the review box and I will send you a PM!  
> Oh right, and Olivier still hasn’t get much screentime yet—she’s still new to her surroundings, after all. And considering she’s not one to easily mingle well with everybody, I’m still troubled on how I should include her more soon T__T  
> This story will have its own plot, but really, that’s not the main concern here. I just love to write the dynamics between each characters, how they communicate through texts, and their antics.  
> Do tell me if there’s anyething you like, or do not like. I am open to critics and suggestions :)  
> Thank you for reading! Reviewreviewreview


	3. Troublemaker(s)

.

.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Christopher Vinther_

_Subject : Money Proposals_

All teachers and staffs,

Please refrain from making unnecessary requests for money. Any unanticipated proposals submitted within the next two weeks will be denied. With, or without the Principal’s signature.

With the triennial accreditations ahead, a decent portion of the institution’s annual budget will be allocated for its preparation. Your understandings and supports would be truly appreciated.

Regards.

_Okay, enough with the formality._

Seriously though, up to twenty six thousands centz in less than a week? What the hell! Why should I give you guys money for a shitload of pasta I did not eat? Or desks I did not break nor use? Go on destroying this school’s infrastructures and it will eventually close down even before we reach the accreditation terms.

Which means there would be less problem for me, now that I think about it.

P.s Dearest _Miss Riza Hawkeye_ , if that _lovely student_ of yours is keen enough to break a fire extinguisher, just like what he did last semester, I will grant you some cash just enough to refill it with lemonade iced tea. They can also put out a small fire, right?

Stay greedy for money,

**Christopher Vinther**

_Staff, Treasurer_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Miles_

_Subject : Re: Money Proposals_

It’s alright, Ms. Hawkeye. He also said that to _me_ last semester when I was Edward’s homeroom teacher.

Suck up to Mr. Grumman a bit and the expense will be fully covered by the institution. You of all people would know better about his… peculiar taste.

Been there done that,

**Miles**

_Teacher, Physics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Alphonse Elric is surprisingly lovely_

Before you take this mail’s subject the wrong way, I mean Alphonse is a caring, obedient student loved by his classmates, in contrast to his elder brother. Plus point, he also managed to achieve perfect score on my math pre-test.

You were right, though—three days into this, and I don’t think being a homeroom teacher is _that_ bad.

Chess during lunch break?

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda, Roy Mustang_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Abort mission (continued)_

So long story short,

I came to her as she was reading an online newspaper (in Deutsch, my best guess) while sipping her coffee. Then I took a seat beside her. And then she eyed me curtly—hell, I hadn’t even said a thing!

Of course I was confused. After a few seconds of intense glaring, she told me, “Speak.”

So I did. I introduced myself—a little bit stuttered there coz _who on earth can sit through her piercing blue eyes and stay collected_?

Her response?

“Spit it out _clearly_. I don’t have all day to listen to your blabber.”

“Jean Havoc. P.E coach. Nice to meet you.”

“And?”

“Wha—err, you’ve got nice curves, there.”

The following events were a blur, and suddenly, I was laying on one of the beds in Knox’s room. With a cold ice pack on my crotch.

Yet Miles, who had spent years teaching in North, said that I’m apparently ‘lucky enough’ for getting ‘just that’. Well, luck my _arse_.

I repeat—abort mission. Those bada-boom breasts do _not_ worth your (and your offsprings’) life.

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc, Roy Mustang_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: Abort mission (continued)_

If stupidity could be expressed in graphics, yours would be graphs of exponential function y = 2^x when the base is greater than 1—smooth, continuous, and increases without bound as it approaches positive infinity.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Tim Marcoh_

_Cc : Yoki, Buccaneer_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Who on their right mind refilled the chem lab’s fire extinguisher with expired lemonade iced tea???_

A small-combustion-went-wrong and when we tried to put it out, it was _fckn_ lemonade iced tea inside! Good heavens we installed automated water sprayers in the entire buildings last year in case of fire. (None was injured, fortunately.)

I’m going to make a formal request for a thorough inspection.

Drenched in water for the second time this week,

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_Cc : Buccaneer_

_From : Tim Marcoh_

_Subject : Re: Who on their right mind refilled the chem lab’s fire extinguisher with expired lemonade iced tea???_

Sorry for the inconvenience,

I believe there has been no reinstallment for any of our fire extinguisher units recently. And considering that the last inspection was right before the winter break, whatever happened here afterwards, chances are it took place during the vacation, if that is even possible.

And yes, please proceed with the inspection. I will let the Principal know.

Regards,

**Tim Marcoh**

_Staff, Head of the Laboratory_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Spring breeze had never felt this hot_

Holy fuck bro, have you seen Ri’s outfit today? Mustang’s gonna regret this for his entire life if he missed the view!

Covertly admiring that suave thigh from afar,

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: Spring breeze had never felt this hot_

(You just _never_ learn from past mistakes, huh?)

Beware. Ms. Armstrong could bust your nut. I bet she could do no less.

Can’t find myself disagree, though. Just make sure you don’t get caught by anyone. I mean _anyone_ —that guy could set your ass on fire and make it looked like a small lab accident.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang, Tim Marcoh_

_From : Buccaneer_

_Subject : Re: Re: Who on their right mind refilled the chem lab’s fire extinguisher with expired lemonade iced tea???_

Right away, Sirs.

**Buccaneer**

_Staff, Head of Security Personnels_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Attachment : Elysia_photos_collaged .jpeg_

_Subject : Permission request for not attending your class_

After a looong day of works, at last, I present you, A COLLAGE OF ELYSIA’S PHOTO COLLECTIONS! LOOK AT HOW CUTE SHE IS, ALEX!! Thee art mine life, mine every breath, little angel.

Anyway, I’m requesting permission for one of my homeroom student:

 **Windsor, Amadea** (class of 2015)

for not being able to attend your P.E classes at least for the next two weeks due to an unfortunate accident leaving her with sprained ankle. In the mean time, could you give her written assignments instead? Thanks, Alex.

Which reminds me, have you seen Roy this morning? I know he will be busy in the lab today, but he’s not one to miss Sciezka’s Free-Brunch-Wednesday especially when quiches are involved!

I’m gonna spend the rest of the day being stuck here in my desk grading the kids’ essays. So if you managed to meet him, please inform him that today, for the first time in forever, Rizzie wore a high-slit pencil skirt to work today—bet you my monthly paycheck that he’d be way more than elated.

My heart belongs to Gracia Hughes but— _deeeemn_ dude, those long, _slender_ _legs_.

P.s The gossips regarding your sister are getting out of hand! I mean knocking Jean Havoc out in one kick? Come on!

Gracia’s hot hubby,

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Knox_

_From : Alphonse Elric_

_Subject : Medicication Request from Mr. Mustang_

Good afternoon, Doctor Knox. I am Alphonse Elric from Mr. Heymans Breda’s class.

I was making my way to the boy’s restroom when I saw Mr. Mustang rushing to one of the stalls with drenched outfit and massive nosebleed. Miss Riza, whom he had been talking to only a few seconds before, admitted that she knew nothing beside his unfortunate water sprayer incident. He also won’t tell me the cause of his nosebleed, and told me to contact you instead to ask for some medications for him.

Does it have something to do with his beet-red face, Doctor? Since I did not see any signs of head trauma nor recent rigorous physical activity.

Best regards,

**Alphonse Elric**

_Student, Class of 2017_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Alphonse Elric_

_From : Knox_

_Subject : Re: Medicication Request for Mr. Mustang_

There’s no cure for his current nosebleed. Just tell him to shove some fabrics up his damn nostrils and stop thinking of inappropriate images of a certain coworker of him.

Coincidentally, your brother is here in my room. You might want to pay this brat a visit and give him a long-ass lecture as well.

**Knox**

_Staff, Physician_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Edward Elric_

_Cc : Maria Ross_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Detention Notice_

The student **Edward Elric** will be detained during the lunch break on **March 8** from **12:00 p.m** until **12:45 p.m** for the following reason(s):

**\- Mocking someone based on their racial features**

**\- Being engaged in a physical fight resulting in mild injuries for both parties**

Signed,

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Ling Yao_

_Cc : Maria Ross_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Detention Notice_

The student **Ling Yao** will be detained during the lunch break on **March 8** from **12:00 p.m** until **12:45 p.m** for the following reason(s):

**\- Intensely mocking someone based on their physical features**

**\- Being engaged in a physical fight resulting in mild injuries for both parties**

**\- Trespassing into the Curtis’ kitchen, consuming half of the prepared pasta and taking the rest of it home on Monday, March 6 th 2017 (evidences were collected during the ongoing thorough inspection by the security personnels)**

Signed,

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Lan Fan_

_Cc : Maria Ross_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Detention Notice_

The student **Lan Fan** will be detained during the lunch break on **March 8** from **12:00 p.m** until **12:45 p.m** for the following reason(s):

**Encouraging a physical fight by being actively involved in it**

Signed,

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Maria Ross_

_Subject : Re: Detention Notice_

Things are getting out of hand. Got a plan in mind?

Just got summoned to the Principal’s room for the first time in months,

**Maria Ross**

_Teacher, School Guidance Counselor_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Eugene Grumman_

_Subject : To my beautiful granddaughter_

My precious Queen Rizzie,

You know I support every choices you make in life, as long as you’re happy with it. That includes not majoring in organic chemistry (much to your father’s dismay), living on your own, and also teaching in the school I lead.

It saddens me to say this, but today, I couldn’t say I approve your choice of articles of clothing. Sure, they are still within the rules, and your friend Rebecca had been wearing even more revealing outfits for more than I care to count. It’s not that you look horrible in them, Honey—it’s the exact opposite. And such thing could make us men delighted, in a certain way. But no, when it comes to _you_ , I am anything but delighted.

In the future, could you please do your old grandpa a favor and avoid wearing such clothing at all cost, both within and outside work environment?

**Because I am the principal. And you will do as I say.**

Lots of love,

**Eugene Grumman**

_Principal_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Solf Z. Kimblee_

_From : King Bradley_

_Subject : Warning_

Is there any reason for you skipping works for two days in a row without any notification? Are you that eager to become jobless?

**King Bradley**

_Staff, Head of Administrative Affairs_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Alphonse Elric_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Introduction_

Hello, Alphonse.

I’m sure I had entered your class once before, but in case you forget, I will introduce myself first. My name is Riza Hawkeye, and I teach biology. I got your mail address from Mr. Breda, your homeroom teacher.

Don’t worry, Alphonse. I only write to tell you that I would like to discuss a few things with you regarding… your brother.

Could you please meet me after school at the teachers’ room on the third floor? My desk is at the far left (if your back is facing the hall) near the windows.

Thank you very much.

Regards,

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_Subject : All those East City chickens are getting under my skin_

Now I understand your reason for being the family’s disgrace despite having the same blood as mine running through your veins. Surrounded by these idiots doesn’t come without consequences after all.

First, that guy from the Administration Affairs who thought it was funny to joke on my first name since it is, apparently, a ‘masculine name of French origin’. If that means my name is way more masculine than the unmanly squeak he let out as I slammed his desk, I’m fine with it.

Grumman’s far-fetched goofiness is not something I like to deal with, but his secretary—Cataline? Caitlyn?—is _way_ worse. Someone’s got to teach her proper manners to interact with someone who’s her senior by a couple of years. How did she make it to that position, anyway? Or does that old man got a disgusting affinity to low-cut blouses?

Don’t even make me start on that _fuckin_ blond whose mouth was uglier than his face. Boy had to be reminded that his balls are not big enough to approach a stranger _that_ way. I just wasted my two minutes I could better use for breathing peacefully yesterday.

Also that bespectacled technician who won’t let me have my bandwith yet. If only he worked faster and stop saying that lame _you-just-arrived-here-today-ma’am-there’s-no-way-I-can-set-it-up-for-you-in-less-than-a-day_ excuse while trembling visibly as he entried my data, I would’ve had it by _now_. Using my smartphone for internet makes me less productive than normal.

I kinda see that old man’s reason to transfer me here—so that the accreditation board (mainly ran by the Armstrongs, yes) will ignore the fact that his school is lagging behind. Behind the North, at least.

And the worst of all—I now have to share an office with _that_ guy? You heard my story about when I was one of the board’s members in the last triennial accreditation. The one where I got into a heated argument with a Xingese-looking teacher. Heck, I can’t even recall what we were arguing over—what I remember is his displayed ‘politeness’ during the bargaining. It was a _fckn_ accreditation, Alex. And he conceitedly tried to make a _concession_. Do I also have to remind you that he did NOT do it the ‘clean’ way? Well maybe his ‘charismatic’ smile could woo most girls whose brains are smaller than their compact powder cases—but for me? It only made me want to punch him in the jaw. His smug face had been contaminating my mind ever since—and now I also _have_ to learn that his name is Roy Mustang. And _share a goddamn teacher’s room_ with him.

Summary: Stop making me ashamed by telling people that we’re siblings. I’d rather keep that one as low-key as possible.

**Olivier Mira Armstrong**

_Teacher, German Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : Maria Ross_

_From : Denny Brosh_

_Subject : I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I just happened to be there_

Do you know that Ms. Riza could be so… _persuasive_? I was collecting some files from the teachers’ room and accidentally (well not so accidental, I _did_ do my job slower on purpose) overheard her conversation with a freshman. Didn’t get what they’re talking about, tho. I just knew that Edward was involved. Are they trying to blackmail that kid? Heaven knows.

Anyway, I have done making the recaps of last year’s senior students’ grades. Would you like me to print it out for you or just the softcopy will be fine?

At your service,

**Denny Brosh**

_Staff, Administrative Affairs_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Your skirt gave me more trouble than Edward did_

See? I told you it would be better for me to wear that you-so-called ‘boring’ trousers!

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Mustang’s infatuation to the biology teacher is something that everyone knows. He’s only too afraid to admit that to himself lol.  
> Pretty sure each places have their own rules, but here in my place, that kind of relationship between civilian coworkers is allowed as long as they are not placed in the same ‘unit’ or structural positions that would allow them to practice favoritism (for example, in fact, some of my college lecturers are married to each others). Of course I don’t mean to paint every places white with this, but let’s just assume that here, in East Amestris Senior High School, such thing is not against the rule! XD I do apologize if there’s anybody bothered with this matter…  
> Aaaand also this fic got more royai than I initially planned. Should I apologize for that, too, being a royai trash I am?  
> Starting a fic is a thing. Keeping it interesting for several chapters is a whole different challenge. Your thoughts would be very appreciated for my improvements—reviewreviewreview! Do tell me if there’s any character you find OOC, or too inappropriate, or such.  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. The bet

.

.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Attachment : Elysia_001 .jpeg, Elysia_003  .jpeg, and 54 more attachments_

_Subject : Your morning dose of happiness_

You’re welcome.

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda, Jean Havoc_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Re: Re: Abort mission (continued)_

Before you guys judge me for being ‘ignorant’, yesterday was too hectic for me to check on incoming mails. And yes, Jean, listen what Breda said; you’re still a dumb-ass.

Miles was right though, you were lucky enough. At last I met her yesterday. And who could’ve guessed that _that_ accreditation board member whom you had a rather unpleasant argument with three years ago is an _Armstrong_? (and the one who got a say in the board, while at it.)

Seems like she still hold grudges on me for a reason I don’t remember. Imagine the awkward silence (or you’re-dead-to-me glares) I have to go through everytime we encountered each others, considering we share an office room from now on.

Let’s just hope Maes won’t be genius enough to even try to push her button during his (suspiciously abundant) free time.

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Maria Ross_

_Subject : How many times do I have to tell you?_

I don’t care how and when you do it, Jean, but _no way in hell_ smoking is allowed anywhere inside school. The rooftop included. You’ll set bad examples for the students. Besides, the kids love you—they’re more inclined to justify your actions, and do it by themselves!

This will be my last warning before I write the Principal a formal complain letter on this matter.

**Maria Ross**

_Teacher, School Guidance Counselor_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Maes Hughes_

_From : Kain Fuery_

_Subject : Data Usage Notification_

Mr. Hughes,

I regret to inform you that you have already used up all your bandwith. Please do take my advice to stop sending everybody gigabytes-worth of photos, and you will be able to enjoy this facility until the last day of every months. Thank you.

I’m not gonna receive your bribery, Sir. Mr. Greed already took suspicion on our internet funds, and had been eyeing me closely ever since. Sorry for that…

Regards,

**Kain Fuery**

_Staff, Department of Information and Technology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Edward Elric_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : See me during lunch break_

Dear Edward,

My experiences told me that detention letters have no effect on you. But that doesn’t mean you can get out from the fact that you sent a .docx with the writings ‘MUSTANG SUXX’ as its only content for your chemistry take-home assignment.

Meet me at the teachers’ room right after the bell rings. You know where my desk is.

Fail to do so, and I will pair you up with Ling for the upcoming group project(s).

Thank you.

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

_._

_._

_To : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_From : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: All those East City chickens are getting under my skin_

O, my dearest Sister,

YOU HAVE JUST MISUNDERSTOOD OUR HOSPITALITY, THE PEOPLE FROM THE EASTERN SIDE OF AMESTRIS!

They were just trying to befriend you, Sister. Trust me. Perhaps the norms here are not exactly similar to those of North’s, but please adjust yourself.

Besides, it’s not a secret that Mr. Roy Mustang is the Principal’s favorite negotiator when it suits his needs, second only to himself. Do forgive me, Sister, because I can’t tell you what kind of demands Mr. Eugene Grumman insisted three years ago.

Oh, and I have done setting up your new desk according to your requests. I also added a little touch of fine arts to please your eyes. Worry not, my Sister, for my taste is far better than Kimblee’s.

With the spirits that had been passed down in the Armstrong Family for generations,

**Alex Louis Armstrong**

_Coach, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Kain Fuery_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Is the Principal hiding in your server room again?_

I _swear_ to God I was just taking his tea cup back to the pantry and BOOM that old man disappeared like a trickster. He thought it would make me amused? Maybe, when the stars align. But absolutely NOT when we got a lot of works to submit before Tuesday!

Well guess what? Don’t tell him I’m going there. If he decided that the Principal’s Room is too boring that he chose to leave, trust me, his paperworks are more than eager to follow.

Why did I sign up for this shit anyway? Oh, right—Ri will kick me out if she’s the only one paying our room’s rent.

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

_._

_._

_To : Christopher Vinther_

_From : Solf Z. Kimblee_

_Subject : This budget-efficiency-thingy is getting ridiculous_

I’m a simple man; hence next time that old Grumman give me another warning due to unmet curriculum, I will just blame that on your decision to cut my clay-shopping budget.

**Solf Z. Kimblee**

_Teacher, Visual Art_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Kain Fuery_

_Subject : Server Maintenance Notification_

All students, teachers, and staffs,

Today we will be performing routine server maintenance and upgrading hardware on the server environment for performance and scalability. The maintenance will be performed on  **March 9th**   **during a three hour window of 12:00 PM - 3:00 PM**. We are expecting approximately two hours of down time during the maintenance. If you have any questions please contact our support team by emailing  support@eastamestrisshs.com.

Thank you.

**Kain Fuery**

_Staff, Department of Information and Technology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Hey Winry?**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Yes?**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Did you have a word with Miss Riza recently?**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**What do you mean?**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Well… Did she, like, tell you something? Anything?**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Umm.. no, I guess. Why are you asking?**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Nothing. Really. Okay—one more thing—not even about me? Or something you don’t know??**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Okay she _did_ explain me some things about cellular metabolisms because I asked her, and technically that was something I didn’t know by that time. Aside from that, nope? Why so sudden??**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Great. Well then. Better stop using our phones before Mr. Miles turn around from the whiteboard.**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Weirdo.**

.

.

.

_To : Al (+xxxxxxxx744)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Alphonse.**

.

_To : Brother (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Alphonse Elric (+xxxxxxxx744)_

**What’s it, brother?**

.

_To : Al the TRAITOR (+xxxxxxxx744)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**You traitor.**

.

.

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Ayyyyyy Roy! Guess who just caught the latest news from the water-cooler?**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**Stop texting me everytime the web is down, Maes. I’ve got assignments to grade.**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**C’mon, why so salty? Okay then, my fault. But a _heavy_ nosebleed, Roy? Seriously?**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**SHUT. UP.**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Oooouch! It’s alright, Roy-boy. Even without that, we all have seen your little crush on her already. Believe me, it’s reciprocal.**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**That’s none of your business.**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**How rude! I’m serious, tho—you two keep getting closer day by day ever since she joined this school. You two are, like, what did Breda say? Oh—like an asymptote. Keep getting closer, never find each others. Seriously, does ‘commitment’ sound _that_ frightening to you? As ‘asking her out’ does?**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**Me? Afraid to ask a woman out? Please. Reality check, I’ve got more experiences than you. Well, she just happened to be my professor’s daughter so I also have to include that into my calculations and believe me, Berthold Hawkeye is not a chill man.**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**I call bullshit. You barely have a business with him nowadays after you got your master degree.**

_._

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**Take it or leave it.**

_._

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Well if you think you’re _that_ great at dealing with women, gimme a prove.**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**Aren’t my weekly dates enough?**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**No. Your aunt’s café workers are hardly dates. Show me the _real_ thing—like, land a date with Olivier Armstrong before the end of this month, and I will believe it. I will even make your skill widely acknowledged. Heck, just tell me what you want.**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**Maes, you’re _lunatic_. You know the not-so-pleasant little story between us. What if I fail? What if I got my neck cracked?**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Well, if that’s not possible, it can’t be helped—then just ask Rizzie out for a date. Deal?**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**And if I refuse?**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**I will inform Bradley that almost a third of your presence in the daily attendance list are fraudulent. Poor little Fuery could lose his job for manipulating them at your _insistent_ request, right?**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**…you’re _impossible_.**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**I’ll take that as a yes, then.  Twenty two days from now. A fine date with the Armstrongs’ Lioness. Good luck, _Mr_. _Gentleman_.**

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Uploaded this chapter one day erlier since pretty sure I won’t have enough time for it tomorrow—tomorrow we’re gonna feast! Yay!)  
> …that was rather… blunt? And I don’t even have anything to say aside from thanking you guys for sticking around! I mean 24 followers? Whoa! Thank you, really. I mean it.  
> This chapter was necessary but I just lack the idea for more humor. Seems that writer’s block and the weekly-update schedule are starting to get their toll on me!  
> Really, I’m sorry for this chapter and I hope that the incoming chapter(s) could make it up for this! DX  
> Even so, kindly review?  
> (P.s Hughes is still the biggest Royai shipper—he only tried a different approach to push his bestie!)


	5. Misunderstandings

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Subject : It’s been a week now_

Yo, Mr. Womanizer! How’s the progress? Remember that you’ve got fifteen days left. Or maybe sooner, if Ms. Armstrong as much as declines your offer before the deadline.

Can already see you having to ask Ri out instead,

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : Maes Hughes_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Re: It’s been a week now_

Wait that’s NOT how the deal was supposed to be!

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : King Bradley_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Letter of Lateness to Work_

To whom it may concern,

I, the undersigned below :

**Breda, Heymans (Teacher, Mathematics)**

hereby apologize for my late arrival to work on **Thursday, March 16 th 2017** for **0 hour, 42 minutes** due to :

**A dog and its litter of puppies roaming around the train station’s exit gate, successfully trapping me inside the station for a good 30 minutes before being taken away by nearby officers.**

Thank you for your understanding.

Signed,

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Edward Elric_

_Subject : It was Ms. Armstrong who broke the classroom’s wooden ruler in half_

Dear Ms. Riza,

Just in case Ms. Armstrong says a word to you after she left our class in anger, I _swear_ it was NOT me who came up with the idea of tricking Ling into saying _that_ kind of words out loud. I may have passively participated in the class’ conspiracy, but this time I’m not the mastermind behind it.

I have been (and still am) holding our agreement last week in high regard by not causing any trouble so far, so—uh, we’re still on peace treaty, right, Ms. Riza? Please do not tell Winry anything about everything Al said to you.

Regards,

**Edward Elric**

_Student, Class of 2016_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Kain Fuery_

_From : Vato Falman_

_Subject : Seems that my cellphone is broken_

Kain,

I have a little favor to ask. Could you please figure what is wrong with my cellphone? I accidentally ran into Ms. Olivier Armstrong in the hallway earlier today. I was busy apologizing to her (in which she only acknowledged with an angry huff before marching away) and had no idea on how my phone ended up laying on the floor, its screen pitch-black. Now it won’t even turn on.

Could you fix that before the school ends? I have another meeting to attend and I will need my phone for it. I will bring it to your room once I receive your approval.

Thank you in advance.

**Vato Falman**

_Teacher, History_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_Subject : I gave your class an invaluable lesson, for your information_

Hawkeye,

I have no idea (nor the intention to know) on how those students were selected prior to their enrollment in this school. The only one I’m sure of is that no sane student would be brave (or stupid) enough to talk to their teacher in inappropriate language.

_Nor stifling a damn laugh when one of their classmates did so._

Grumman spoke highly of his ‘independent, young, pretty, and single’ granddaughter, and although I prefer direct observation to anybody’s testimony by much, I hope you would keep up to the expectation by disciplining those punks properly.

**Olivier Mira Armstrong**

_Teacher, German Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : For your own safety, stop being stone-headed for once and listen to me_

Listen, Beck. All of the students scheduled for P.E in the 3rd period were late for my lesson in the gymnasium. If it was only Paninya or Ed who was late for my class, I would just shrug it off. But the entire class? Meh. So I decided to look for them in their classroom.

And—I shit you not—I was met by their mortified expressions when I peeked through the window. When I look at the front of the classroom— _oh_. It was your roommate, berating the entire class. Red to the ears, shaking fists, and—God forbid— _that_ glare. She was not yelling and all, her voice was low and barely audible from the outside of the classroom but well _isn’t that what make her scary as heck_? I’m not even sure if I’ve seen her being _that_ angry before.

So do take my advice; either seek shelter in Ross’ or Sciezka’s apartment, or rent a guest house for one night, or, if you decide to go home at all, get those strawberry shortcakes bribery prepared—Breda told me that the bakery near the train station are selling them 50% off starting this morning. Good for you.

Ya don’t get me wrong, Bushy Head. I just don’t want to face the principal’s endless whining for the  ‘additional effort’ he’s gonna yield should he need to look for a new secretary.

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Re: I gave your class an invaluable lesson, for your information_

Ms. Armstrong,

First of all, I sincerely apologize for my students’ behavior.

Please do take in mind that I am not justifying anyone or anything here. But assuming the student you implicitly refered to in your previous e-mail is Ling Yao, on his defense, he is _not_ the only one at fault.

Ling is not simply a Xingese descendant—he _is_ Xingese by birth, and has only moved to Amestris a few months ago. Even his (and also Lan Fan’s) guardian, Mr. Fu, has not gained full Amestrian citizenship yet. They are yet to fully comprehend our language, and know just enough for them to live a normal daily life here.

Thus, it would be understandable on his side for not knowing that WTF doesn’t stand for “Wow That’s Fantastic”, FFS is not an abbreviation of “For Fuery’s Sake”, nor that MILF is actually not ‘milk’ with one mistyped letter. Also, chances are he misheard the word ‘hail’, and thought that “Hill Hitler” is a (hypothetical) recreational museum we are going to visit for this year’s study tour.

I will take full responsibility on this matter, and hopefully in the future there will be no such inconvenience happening again.

Thank you for your patience and understanding, Ms. Armstrong.

Best regards,

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Vato Falman_

_From : Kain Fuery_

_Subject : Re: I have a favor to ask_

Uh, sure, Mr. Falman, I could have a look on it. But I’m really sorry, maybe I can’t finish the repair before tomorrow, since I still got several things to do; I’m currently updating Sciezka’s digital book database, Mrs. Curtis’ kitchen scale still has to be calibrated, and I haven’t changed Denny’s printer’s cartridge yet. And only a moments ago, Mr. Yoki asked me to repair the leaked valve of a fire extinguisher. All due today.

Phew, good thing that the web maintenance had been carried on last week and not today—else, I’m pretty sure I could’ve exploded!

Anyway, will the principal attend that said meeting, Sir? If so, could you please ask him whether he can open a vacancy for additional staffs for the IT department? Because, ummm, if people keep throwing us trivial-yet-time-consuming problems like this, I’m not sure how much longer we could keep up before our _actual_ works will be ditched…

**Kain Fuery**

_Staff, Department of Information and Technology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Unfinished business_

Good day, Ms. Armstrong.

To what favor do we, East City citizens, owe the pleasure of having the heir to the mighty Armstong family here on our soil? Your mere presence brings us new light, new lead—although, it still saddens me to find out that you always look at me in disdain for a reason I could not understand.

Forgive me if I’m being impudent, but do we have any unfinished business I’m not aware of? It’s not like that, Miss—you have just moved here, and we will be each other’s coworker for at least the next one year (the minimum time required before you can file a request to transfer back to North—although we all would be more than delighted if you decided to stay). So I thought it would be better for both of us if we got no hard feelings on each others.

Mind if we talk things through for good? I know a fancy restaurant downtown, and we can always give it a try.

 _Mit freundlichen Grüßen_ ,

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: Unfinished business_

Your so-called ‘silver tongue’ (my face contorted in disgust as I typed this, just so you know) did not work on me three years ago. And they don’t work on me _now_ as well. My point? Just shut the fuck up.

_Zur hölle mit dir,_

**Olivier Mira Armstrong**

_Teacher, German Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : All contacts_

_From : Buccaneer_

_Subject : URGENT: Potentially dangerous unidentified object_

All teachers and staffs,

An unidentified object currently being suspected as a threat had been found inside the storage room on the ground floor. Below is the description of the aforementioned object:

**Charcoal-colored materials, contained in a navy-blue alumunium box, and emits pungent odor.**

Should anybody has any information regarding the object or its source, please contact one of our security personnels immediately. **King Bradley** , as the head of the Administration affairs, is expected to have done contacting necessary agencies according to the standard operating procedure by the next one hour. All homeroom teachers are obligated to inform their students regarding this matter.

In the mean time, please stay as far as possible from the said storage room. Some of our security personnels would be placed near the site to stay on guard to prevent anyone from getting near it as well.

Thank you.

**Buccaneer**

_Staff, Head of Security Personnels_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Knox_

_Subject : Re: URGENT: Potentially dangerous unidentified object_

The number of bizarre things happening in this school never ceased to amaze me.

**Knox**

_Staff, Physician_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Sciezka_

_Subject : Re: URGENT: Potentially dangerous unidentified object_

Whaaat??

**Sciezka**

_Staff, Head of Library and Information Services_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Christopher Vinther_

_Subject : Re: URGENT: Potentially dangerous unidentified object_

Whatev. Just make sure the mitigation is as cost-friendly as possible

**Christopher Vinther**

_Staff, Treasurer_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Maria Ross_

_From : Denny Brosh_

_Subject : Re: URGENT: Potentially dangerous unidentified object_

What do you think it could be? Bombs? Ebola virus?? First Ms. Armstrong, now this. This place is getting unsafe. Do you think we should file a request to transfer to another school?

**Denny Brosh**

_Staff, Administrative Affairs_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Re: URGENT: Potentially dangerous unidentified object_

You guys better disarm the threat immediately before it hurt anybody. What if I die here? I’m not married yet!!!

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Sig Curtis_

_Subject : Re: URGENT: Potentially dangerous unidentified object_

Seems that it’s my failed garlic-and-onion ratatouille from last Monday. I hid it so that my wife won’t find out, but it looks like Yoki failed to do his job as the head janitor to clean the building properly.

**Sig Curtis**

_Staff, School-managed Canteen_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : That’s so kind of you to reply to my previous e-mail_

I’ve been messaging you for days, and this is the first time you responded to one of my mails. Isn’t that a good sign?

In the next reply, would you be generous enough to accept my offer, Ms. Olivier?

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: That’s so kind of you to reply to my previous e-mail_

_Varpiss dich_.

**Olivier Mira Armstrong**

_Teacher, German Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mit freundlichen Grüßen : Best regards  
> Zur hölle mit dir : To hell with you  
> Varpiss dich : Fuck off
> 
> And yes, Roy is on the move. And of course Olivier won’t go easy on him lol she’d been predisposed to dislike him after all.  
> Tell me what you like or do not like—leave me reviews! Frankly speaking they are my main motivation so that I could write quickly and update this fic weekly!  
> Thank you very much for sticking around!! :D


	6. Fashion disaster

**ATTENTION PLEASE**

_A (very) small portion of the earlier part of this chapter contains something that might be generally considered as gross so I HIGHLY advise you all not to read this chapter whilst eating, drinking, or such. Thank you very much._

* * *

.

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_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : URGENT_

PLEASE SWEAR IN THE NAME OF ANYTHING GOOD UP THERE THAT YOU WILL **NOT** SAY A THING TO ANYBODY ABOUT THIS BEFORE YOU CONTINUE READING MY MESSAGE.

Done reciting your vow? Good. Now proceed.

Blame it all to the tacos and jalapeno I ate for dinner! (And no, you would be the last person I’d want to receive healthy food suggestions from, thank you.) My stomach had been churning abnormally since I woke up this morning. I even needed to use the restroom three times in an hour! Ain’t that crazy? I tried to call in sick, but Bradley said something about “not gonna believe you this time after all those frauds you commited last semester” and hung up. Heartless fucktard.

So I kinda forced myself to go to work today. And I MANAGED to—thank fck for those whatever-kind-of-drugs Knox prescribed over the phone.

Plus point? My stomach doesn’t howl uncontrollably now, and even the slight discomfort is gone.

But alas, that advantage did NOT come before I unleashed the most glorious defecation I’ve ever had in my life. And by the time that happened, I’ve already reached the school building.

Before you labeled me as gross, yeah, I made it to the closet in time. Uh, kinda. I mean MOST of my waste was dumped into the right place. But a small portion of them… well, let’s just say they ‘stained’ my pants…

I know you’re wincing in disgust right now Heymans but heaven’s sake you need to HELP me. I’m locking myself inside one of the stalls in the boys’ restroom on the ground floor, at the eastern wing of the building. With no appropriate pants to wear. Can’t get out—heck, I haven’t even fill today’s daily attendance list!

So heaven’s sake please get me anything to wear. I don’t care what and how. Just get me out of here. I’ll treat you a whole pan of hawaiian pizza for this.

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

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_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Subject : This will be my last warning_

Trust me, Roy, your laaaaaaame jokes won’t work. Not on anybody. Not on her. Especially _her._

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: URGENT_

Miles thought I was a mad man for laughing out loud all by myself. Thanks, Plonker.

God’s sake Jean I _did_ think of making your dumb story an official announcement but, nah, make it a big-sized pan AND meat-lovers pizza, and we’re good.

I’ve used up all of my day-off quota this months to cover some of my lateness, so I won’t be able to fetch you something from your apartment since I can’t leave this school ground at all during the work hour. Not sure if I can find you something suitable for work, but lemme figure something out.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Eugene Grumman_

_Subject : I can see you walking away from the parking lot at this hour_

Roy,

I decided to dwell around the school building for some fresh air, and thanks to that, _gotcha_.

Being late by one hour and thirteen minutes? Boy, even if your first teaching schedule today is no earlier than noon, it doesn’t automatically mean that you can arrive to work later than eight. But that’s none of my concern, really—it is your problem with Bradley, if he ever find out.

Arriving late is a thing. But going to work with _such_ clothing? Inexcusable.

Friendly reminder that the board will pay me a visit in a few days, and I will of course bring you, Miles, and Vato along. Hence, Roy, I expect you not to show up to work next time in a shirt with crumpled collars, nor stained sleeves, nor sporting a belt which color does not match your shoes. And a _yellow necktie?_ What did I say to you on how appearances affect our diplomacy?

This is just a little piece of advice, but isn’t it the right time for you to get a wife and settle down? I understand how being a bachelor feels, Roy—young and wild and free and all—eventhough it had been too long for me to relate. But a wife, she will surely look after you—thus preventing you from being a fashion disaster at the workplace like today. If you managed to get the right woman, that is.

Speaking of which, Roy, isn’t my granddaughter pretty enough for you? Or is she just too appealing that your balls shrinked too much to just ask her out already? Because if you’re seeking for a beautiful, loyal, caring, and intelligent woman who is also capable of keeping your house and yourself pristine-clean, she would be on the top list. Totally a wife-material.

(Pssh, if you’re still looking for approval, trust me, her grandfather along with all the staffs he leads are going to give you more than enough!)

Warmest regards,

**Eugene Grumman**

_Principal_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Dear Ms. Armstrong_

Morning, Ms. Armstrong.

I saw you earlier in the lobby, so please, let me take some time to appreciate your fashion taste. Neat and classy, yes—just like what we can expect from an Armstrong, right? I do not see anyone who can pull off an Armani suit better than you did.

If you want my sincere opinion, Ms. Armstrong, frankly speaking, your current outfit makes you seems like an exothermic reaction—you spread your hotness everywhere! You major in German literature, Miss, and I’m the one with chemistry major, so please do allow me to inform you this; according to the Second Law of Thermodynamics, you are supposed to share some of your hotness with me.

Because you’re hotter than a Bunsen burner.

P.s my offer still stands.

Regards,

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Yoki_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Need pants ASAP_

Do you have something to wear as pants in the laundry? No, it’s not for me, so the rather-normal sizes will do. Reply soon.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: Dear Ms. Armstrong_

If I’m interested in chemistry at all, I’ll limit my study only on how to make you dead by carbon monoxide or sarine suffocation without being too obvious. Or adding hydrogen cyanide in your said dinner because, you know, one of the signs of HCN poisoning is bright, _pink_ skin—the best color to represent your masculinity.

**Olivier Mira Armstrong**

_Teacher, German Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Subject : S.O.S!_

Yo, Alex!

First off I’m sorry for not being able to spread Elysia’s newest photos lately. I’ve used up all my bandwith, and my mobile data is just enough for my _actual_ works only. Sigh.

Oh right, from what I see in the schedule table, I take it you’ll be free for the next two periods? If you don’t mind, I need a little help to re-organize my files in the archive room. Hey, of course I can lift those full-of-papers cardboxes—what am I, Roy when he was fourteen? But reaching the top row of the cabinet whilst lifting such weight could do physical harm to me—I once got a backpain that lasted for almost two weeks and believe me, my darling Gracia was _not_ happy about that. If you know what I mean. Heh.

Anyway Breda had just asked me if I bring any spare clothings. And of course I don’t—this is not even the school cleaning day! But he wanted me to relay it to any male staffs I could reach, so should you got any spare clothings, Alex, please contact him immediately. Thank you!

Always happy,

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Intruder suspected + need pants ASAP_

Hey Bucc,

I’ve got some reports from my homeroom kids. According to them, they had been seeing a weird silhouette for several consecutive days. Considering our class is on the 2nd floor and since the said shadow tends to roam around the tree branch near our window, I dismissed it as I thought it was just a squirrel or something (they insisted that it was a ghost, but my logics knew better.)

But just now, I witnessed it with my own eyes for the first time—the shadow takes shape of a human! When I got near it for a better view, it vanished into the bushes. Crap.

Nothing had been stolen or broken so far, and fortunately nobody’s been hurt, but I think you should do something about it soon.

P.s I wonder why The Diligent Elric is always the one who spots the shadow tho? He doesn’t do some kind of dark magics… does he?

P.s.s Do you have any spare clothing? Preferably pants. Let me know if you or your personnels got one.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Yoki_

_Subject : Re: Need pants ASAP_

Uh, no, Sir. Unfortunately all fabrics—spare for the ones currently being used by the Curtis and Mr. Scar for kitchen-related-business—were sent to be washed yesterday, and will be sent back here just next morning.

Don’t tell anyone this, but Sir, if you give me 1000 cenz, maybe I can work something out…

**Yoki**

_Staff, Head of Building Maintenances_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Hearty Invitation_

_Tonight, both my poor house, and I_

_Do equally desire your company;_

_Not that we think us worthy such a guest,_

_But that your worth will dignify our feast_

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: Re: URGENT_

At _last_ , I found something for you to wear. Let me tell you that this, uh, _piece of clothing_ , is nowhere near appropriate (well not for work, nor for anybody in general) but trust me I’ve tried and this is the best we could afford. I’m bringing it to where you are, so be patient a little while and stop calling me every fifteen minutes.

P.s our deal is still in effect. I’ll be kind enough to let you have a slice. One, Jean. Not more.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Yoki_

_From : Heracle Poarma_

_Subject : I was meaning to grab a napkin, but instead I found a polkadot boxer with the writing ‘YOKI’ on its (already worn-out) elastic band_

You… laundried your personal stuffs along with the school’s kitchen linens and MY apron?

Stay where you are. I demand explanations.

**Heracle Poarma**

_Teacher, Culinary Art_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Winry Rockbell_

_Subject : Biodata updates_

Dear Miss Riza,

I was going to the Administrative Affairs office to submit some of my classmates’ biodata updates, just like you asked me to. I encountered Mr. Brosh on my way there. He said he was going out for a moment, and that Mr. Bradley is currently away to do some errands and won’t be back until the next period, so there would be nobody in the room to receive the files. Thus, I was told to just drop them on his desk.

But as I entered the (supposedly) empty room, I met Mr. Jean who was signing his daily attendance list. And Miss Riza, he was so, ummm, _weidly_ -dressed! I was so flustered and _scared_ and somehow managed to drop all the files on the floor before running away to hide inside the toilet!

By the time he was gone I tried to collect the scattered papers, and I noticed that some pages were missing, so we will have to re-collect some of my friends’ biodata first before submitting it tomorrow.

I really apologize for this, Miss Riza…

**Winry Rockbell**

_Student, Class of 2016_

_General Secretary of the Student’s Council_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Maria Ross_

_Subject : (No subject)_

JEAN. HAVOC. MY OFFICE. **NOW**.

**Maria Ross**

_Teacher, School Guidance Counselor_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Maes Hughes_

_From : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: S.O.S!_

Mr. Maes Hughes,

It saddens me that I will not be able to grant your wish! I deeply apologize from the bottom of my heart, Mr. Maes Hughes, because in these two periods, I have to substitute Jean Havoc to teach P.E in Mr. Scar’s class. It was so sudden—since, well, suddenly Jean was summoned to Ms. Ross’ room due to his… _inappropriate_ clothing.

I do hope the Fortune Goddess graces him with her blessings—I too was scolded once because apparently, teaching P.E whilst showing off your perfectly-sculpted muscles to motivate your students is prohibited in this school. (Or _any_ school, as she said—what a heartless stakeholder can make such inhumane rule!? My tears are overflowing.) Although still nowhere near my sister, Ms. Ross can also be so frightening!

With the Armstrongs’ youthful spirit,

**Alex Louis Armstrong**

_Coach, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: Hearty Invitation_

_Ever drifting down the river—_

_Lingering in golden gleam—_

_Me, joining you for a dinner?_

_Not even inside your dream._

**Olivier Mira Armstrong**

_Teacher, German Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Maes Hughes_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Told you so_

Your poem did not work, either.

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Accidentally walked in when Ross was giving Jean her long lecture_

DAMN YOU FATTY FOR NOT TELLING ME THAT YOU BORROWED MY SKIRT FOR HIM. GOSH. I’M LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY NOW.

To be honest I was quite mad at you for postponing me and Ri’s girls night out since you were so insistent to borrow my purple mini-skirt I was (initially) going to wear to the movie theathre tonight. But walking into Ross’ room, ready to whine about it, only to see Jean in _that particular_ _skirt_? Damn worth it.

Don’t bother returning it to me. He can have it for as long as he want.

I _swear_ , that Walking Ashtray will NEVER live this down. Why didn’t Ross let me to at least take a pic of him?

Oh my, Riza definitely has to hear this one ASAP!!

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Knox_

_From : Denny Brosh_

_Subject : I took a quick visit to the pantry for some refreshments  after delivering my broken paper shredder to Kain and_

Doctor! I found an unconscious Yoki here! What should I do?!?!

**Denny Brosh**

_Staff, Administrative Affairs_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Official invitation_

Your witty replies never ceases to amaze me, Miss.

Alas, I still have to invite you once more for dinner. This time, though, declining my offer is not an option—the accreditation board will be visiting in a few days to settle several things, and Mr. Grumman has personally requested me to have some words with you, an ex-board member, regarding that matter. The sooner, the better.

And Ms. Armstrong, there is no gentlemen obtuse enough to let a beautiful woman like you dine on mundane meals for dinner—hence, let us have our pleasant conversation in that fancy restaurant I mentioned a few days ago. You don’t have to take care of the reservation, for sure. I attached the location in this e-mail for you to access.

I would like to pick you up at your manor, Ms. Armstrong, but sadly, I take it my lowly 2014 Ford Mustang Sedan doesn’t hold a candle to the France-imported Bugatti Veyron EB 16.4 you drive to work everyday? But of course, I would see no problem to do so if you insist.

See you tomorrow night at 7.30 pm.

Warmth,

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : (No subject)_

Definitely gonna murder you in your sleep.

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER : The poem in Roy’s e-mail was quoted from the poem Inviting a Friend to Supper by Ben Jonson. It can be accessed on the internet FOR FREE. Also, Olivier’s poetry lines were a modification to the last three lines of Lewis Carrol’s classic story Through the Looking Glass. I’m trying my hardest not to violate any copyright here, but if you think I’m not doing it right, please let me know via PM. Thank you very much :) 
> 
> HAVOC MY BBY I’M SO SO SORRY you’re way smarter than people often give you credits for, I know, but I can’t see any other character doing the stunt you just did :( And whether Breda was intentional or not, I’ll leave it to your interpretation lol.
> 
> Olivier is a tiger impossible to tame. But that doesn’t mean Roy will give up with ‘just that’—we all know those two already! Also I let him pull off those lame, cheesy chemistry jokes frequently used as internet meme just because I can. And because it somehow fits his character XD (of course, the poem was Maes’)
> 
> Of course Mustang would buy a Mustang car to fulfill his narcissistic ego. And of course our mighty Arstrong family’s heir drives a Bugatti and wear Giorgio Armani to work. Because she can, and she’d like you to know that she does XD
> 
> Aaaand as a sidenote, this is the longest chapter I’ve written so far! Yay
> 
> Anybody eager to know what happened the following night at 7.30 p.m? Do you guys have something in mind already? Yes? Anybody? Tell me what you think in the review box!  
> Thank you for reading! :D


	7. Blume

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Vato Falman_

_Attachment : Photo_107 .jpeg_

_Subject : Re: You know what these could mean, Vato?_

Mr. Mustang,

I am sorry for not being able to reply to your message right after you sent it last night. But you must have known that I go to sleep at 8 p.m sharp, and not even Miles’ 24 missed calls can wake me up before 4.15 a.m precise. I wanted to reply to you as soon as I open it, but I figured out that mailing someone before the sun rises can be considered rude.

From what I read in the school library a few months ago, I am positive that these are the names and their correct meanings for each flowers:

_- **Geraniums** : Stupidity, folly_

_- **Meadowsweet** : Uselessness_

_- **Orange** **lilies** : Hatred_

_- **Birdsfoot** **trefoil** : Revenge_

_- **Belvedere** : ‘I declare war against you’_

_- **Sardony** : Irony_

_- **Pink** **hyacinths** : Feminine beauty_

Do forgive my intrusiveness, but were you planning to dump somebody? Because that flower bouquet in the photo you attached, despite aesthetically pleasing, was not an appropriate choice if you decided to woo a woman…

**Vato Falman**

_Teacher, History_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric_

_From : Van Hohenheim_

_Subject : To Edward and Alphonse_

**FORWARDED MESSAGE**

**_From : Roy Mustang_ **

**_To : Van Hohenheim_ **

**_Original message_ **

_Mr. Van Hohenheim,_

_I am Roy Mustang, a teacher from East Amestris Senior High School, the school your sons attend. Pardon me for bothering you at this kind of hour, Sir. I was intending to give you a call but since we don’t know each others yet, doing so might be rude. Hence, I send you a mail instead._

_I’m writing this to let you know that I found your sons roaming around the downtown after I had my dinner (around 8.45 pm.) Which is kind of surprising, considering the school usually ends no later than 4.00 pm._

_According to what your sons said, they had been too absorbed in playing games in their cellphone during the trainride, and before they knew it, their destination stop had been passed by several stations. They got no money in their pocket, and their phone batteries are dead, so calling home for a pick-up or getting in another trainride is out of question. Before they had the chance to report to the nearest police station, I spotted them in front of the train station’s exit gate._

_Letting the boys go home on their own that late could be dangerous, so after notifying their mother, I gave them a ride home._

_I’ve told your wife everything, Sir, I’m only telling you this so that should you need to clarify something, you will have my words on it._

_Thank you._

**_Roy Mustang_ **

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**_Sent from mobile_ **

**END OF FORWARDED MESSAGE**

Dear Sons,

Everytime a new trouble popped up in my inbox, why does it always you two?

Don’t get me wrong, Sons, I am not being harsh on you guys. But next time, try not to worry you mother too much, okay? Oh, and please tell your teacher—Ron Mustard? Mustang?—my biggest gratitude. I would like to thank him in person, but I still don’t know when I could come home yet. Oh, that is, if your old man doesn’t forget to do so!

I’d like to hear your stories on it, Son, but the meeting will begin soon. You can drop something in my inbox and I will respond it later after I get my works done.

Good luck with your study. Please take good care of your mother.

Best regards,

**Van Hohenheim**

_General Manager of Philosopher Nuclear Powerplant Division_

_Philosopher Corporation_

_07 Cranahr Avenue, West City_

_Phone +xxxxxxxxx707_

_Email publicrelation @ philosopher .org_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Miles_

_Subject : My deep condolences (2)_

I’m sorry to hear your tragic date last night. If this made you feel better, I’ve catered to Mr. Grumman’s request to sort things out with Ms. Olivier, no worry. Now you can just mourn for your dinner disaster.

I do not know what you had been telling her these past weeks, but she’d been predisposed to dislike you ever since the last accreditation (yes, she told me that.) And apparently, in only a short time, you managed to amplify her hatred for you to some extend… She did _not_ even know that you did it for a bet (yes, Maes also told me that.)

Have my words, Roy, but you’re lucky that she only did… _that_. Ms. Olivier holds a black belt in _krav maga_ , and you won’t be amused if she decided to let you know it the hard way.

**Miles**

_Teacher, Physics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Buccaneer_

_Subject : Intruder suspected_

All teachers and staffs,

There has been raising suspicion regarding an intruder in this school. According to the report filed by **Mr. Heymans Breda** earlier, glimpses of shadow with a suspicious screeching sound had been spotted by **Alphonse Elric** lately on a tree branch which can be viewed directly from Mr. Breda’s classroom.

All teachers are encouraged to stay on guard and protect the students from unwanted things. To prevent robbery and unexpected encounter with said intruder, it is highly recommended to lock all of the windows and keep the doors remain closed unless necessary until further notification is issued.

Thank you.

**Buccaneer**

_Staff, Head of Security Personnels_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Christopher Vinther_

_Subject : Re: Intruder suspected_

Glad that my room is one of the safest in this entire schoolground. None of my money will fall into that douche’s hands.

**Christopher Vinther**

_Staff, Treasurer_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Sig Curtis_

_Subject : Re: Intruder suspected_

Maybe said intruder is the one responsible for our missing baked potato? My wife isn’t amused with the fact that she baked 20 portions of them in one go, only to lose it five minutes later after she left it to mince some leeches.

**Sig Curtis**

_Staff, School-managed Canteen_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : I swear this is the first time I see Mr. Hughes eagerly running around the school to keep telling everyone a story that is not related to his wife or Elicia_

So tell me again about how great you are with women, Mr. Casanova?

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Breda told me and it was fckn hilarious_

But how could Mr. Hughes started a bet without counting us in?! I would’ve wagered on your glorious defeat and won a lot of pennies by now!

Anw now that you lost it, what did he ask you as the payment?

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Sig Curtis_

_From : Buccaneer_

_Subject : Re: Re: Intruder suspected_

No. We confirmed that it was Ling and Paninya. Good thing Ms. Hawkeye had personally asked us to pay additional attention to your kitchen… remember that pasta case?

**Buccaneer**

_Staff, Head of Security Personnels_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Subject : Alex ‘accidentally’ blabbered everything about last night to me_

HA! YOU FOOL! FRICKIN TOLD YOU THAT THIS BET IS MINE TO WIN!

I know there will come a time when this school’s ‘charming’, flirtatious, most eligible bachelor would admit his defeat. But who’d expect that it would happen _this_ way? No kidding tho, Olivier Mira Armstrong is definitely _legendary_.

Tell me, how did you feel when you arrived at your luxurious, _expensively_ reserved table, in your exclusively-tailored suit, only to find that ‘flower-bouquet of hatred’ instead of the woman you’re looking forward to see? And with a greeting card that said, what, ‘ _fick dich’_? Laughed my arse off at that.

Should you become a famous person, Roy Mustang, I’ll volunteer to become the author of your biography and believe me, there would be a full chapter dedicated for this event only.

Precious lesson learned the hard way; not every lion(ess) can be tamed. So don’t be so ahead of yourself—next time make sure your manhood-pride doesn’t get insulted by pink hyacinths. ( _Feminine beauty?_ Pfft.)

Now pay up for your defeat—man the fck up and, for God’s sake, just ask Riza out already. Don’t be that arsehole who gives her false hopes by acting as if you’ve fallen head over heels for her but never give her the commitment she deserved.

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Denny Brosh, Heymans Breda, Jean Havoc, Knox, Maes Hughes, Miles, Vato Falman_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Shut up_

Alright, ALRIGHT. Now leave me alone.

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Buccaneer, Knox_

_From : Heracle Poarma_

_Subject : Found the intruder_

I caught this mole when she thought she was good enough to hide herself in the shrubs. I’m bringing her to your place. She’s really quick—keep a good eye on her.

Knox, my arm was bitten by her screeching cat during my raid. Please get me some bandages. Do I need to get anti-rabies vaccination as well?

**Heracle Poarma**

_Teacher, Cullinary Art_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Van Hohenheim_

_From : Edward Elric_

_Subject : Re: To my Sons_

Whatever. At least Mustang had technically ‘picked us up from school’ more many times than you did since I started elementary school.

Also we _always_ take care of Mom. No need for you to tell me, especially when you’re not around to at least give us a proper example. Not that we need it, of course.

**Edward Elric**

_Student, Class of 2016_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Care to have some words with me?_

Riza,

Have you met Ed today? Did he tell you already? I found him and his little brother wandering around the downtown, and long story short, I drove them home (I thought that punk would refuse, but seems that he knew better.)

I have always known that that Pipsqueak is a bright kid, despite his obnoxious antics. I was wary we might insult each others back and forth in front of Alphonse during the ride. But surprisingly, he could be an enjoyable companion to talk about many things. I remember our discussion on  various techniques for structure elucidation of atropine—one usually learns that particular topic once they major in organic chemistry in university! Maybe my suspicion was right—he is not interested in my classes and assignments simply because they are way too easy for him. Still doesn’t mean he can justify his actions with that, though.

But even after that, he didn’t look at me in… resentment? Didn’t even call me names. No kidding, he should’ve been put under your watch since a long time ago. His behavior has changed rather drastically (in a positive sense,) and I hope the change will be permanent.

And from the subtle things he implied, it looks like that kid is very fond of his current homeroom teacher. Uh, a bit scared, too… But I believe it is also necessary. My, my, mind to tell us your secret? Maybe it would stop him from pulling a prank on us poor teachers he hates on a weekly basis!

That thing aside, I’ve got something important to tell you. It’s not exactly work-related, thus I don’t find discussing it over mails appropriate. Will you be free for the next period?

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Buccaneer_

_Attachment : photo_943 .jpeg_

_Subject : Missing person announcement + intruder caught_

All teachers, staffs, and students,

The aforementioned intruder had been caught thanks to **Mr. Heracle Poarma** **a.k.a Scar**. They had been taken into custody. Below is the description of the subject (photo attached in this email) :

\- Female, around 9 years old

\- Height around 130 cm

\- Small sature

\- Long, black hair

\- Wearing Xing-Amestris Private Elementary School uniform

\- Bringing a cat along with her

Subject had not been cooperative to answer our questions. **King Bradley** is expected to contact Xing-Amestris Private Elementary School immediately. Should anybody have any information regarding this kid, please reach one of our security personnels as soon as possible.

Thank you.

**Buccaneer**

_Staff, Head of Security Personnels_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Re: Care to have some words with me?_

Mr. Roy,

Please avoid labeling our students with negative connotations like that. Edward is an extraordinary kid, and he can _also_ behave _sweetly_ if we know some tricks to keep him on leash.

Yes, he did tell me this morning after class. He was helping me bringing some of my teaching materials back to the library, and during our walk in the hall, he just suddenly told me everything about last night. I’m happy that he can see you from a different light already.

Edward’s academic records in science had been proven outstanding—his best is chemistry, but his math, biology, and physics are also above the average (can’t say the same for Mr. Kimblee’s art class, though, but then again everyone got their own weaknesses.) I think he only needed more attention and to be acknowledged—thus explaining his constant pranks. To you, especially. Now that you’ve known his capacity, have you considered to ask him to participate in the chemistry branch of National STEM Competition for High School Students next autumn? I bet he can do well.

There had never been any secret, Mr. Roy. Besides, you, of all people, would’ve known how diplomacy works, or am I wrong?

I know you are writing me this e-mail to avoid the works you have to submit to the Principal by noon, Mr. Roy. So although I will be free the next period, I’m afraid I can’t let you leave your paperworks any sooner.

Alternatively, my last teaching schedule today will be finished one hour before the school ends, so if you are already done with your said works by that time, we can talk. Or maybe we can have some words after school—I think Beck won’t mind waiting for me a little before we head home.

Thank you.

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Postponed girls night out_

Y’know Ri I’m almost glad that Jean failed our plan two days ago—just found out that the movie tickets for _The Heat’s Jewel_ will be 30% off this Saturday night! I’m gonna book two tickets for us—which seating positions do you prefer?

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Lan Fan_

_Subject : Re: Intruder suspected_

Mr. Buccaneer,

That is not an intruder. That is Ling Yao’s little sister May Chang. May is good at climbing trees. She likes Alphonse Elric. May sees him when she comes to this school with Grandpa Fu. Grandpa Fu always picks us up from school. May likes to run away from Grandpa Fu to see Alphonse Elric. The screeching sound is not a suspicious. It is Xiao Mei, May’s pet panda. Panda is not cat.

Thank you very much.

**Lan Fan**

_Student, Class of 2016_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : King Bradley_

_From : Sciezka_

_Attachment : List_of_Webpages_on_Flower_Languages .txt_

_Subject : Re: Book request_

Mr. Bradley,

We regret to inform you that the book _The Laguages of Flowers Dictionary_ you requested is unavailable since it is currently being borrowed by another library member. We apologize for this slight inconvenience.

Ummm, I’m sorry, Mr. Bradley… But only yesterday morning, Ms. Armstrong threw the library door open, slammed her palm on my front desk and asked, “How do I say ‘fuck you’ in flower?!” I was too startled and flustered to recite what I’ve read in accordance to her question, and before I knew it, I handed her the said book without any second thought. She stormed away just as abrupt as her sudden presence was. Even I hadn’t signed her library membership card for that book she… ‘borrowed’.

I can always dictate you the whole contents of the book if you want it, Mr. Bradley! But by the time I’m done, Mrs. Bradley’s birthday would have been passed already. I’m sorry…

There are several webpages I could recommend that provides an adequate amount of information regarding what you might need, though. You can find them in the .txt I attached. Feel free to ask should you have any inquiry!

Best regards,

**Sciezka**

_Staff, Head of Library and Information Services_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Re: Postponed girls night out_

Sorry to tell you this, Lady Catalina, but seems that this time I would be joining Jean’s side since I, too, am about to fail your plan.

Don’t be mad, okay? But only fifteen minutes ago, I agreed to have some agenda with a certain someone this Saturday night. (Although, frankly speaking, had you told me earlier, I would still have chosen the said agenda over the movie… You know Aaron Dawson’s works had never been my favorite.)

And I think I’m needing some new outfit for the occasion. Mind if you join me for cloth-shopping this Friday after work? Maybe I could buy you some apparels as an apology—but no more bracelets, Beck, you’ve had enough of them already.

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Van Hohenheim_

_From : Alphonse Elric_

_Subject : Re: To my Sons_

Dad, glad that you’ve got time to reply to the mail!

 _‘Everytime a new trouble popped up in my inbox, why does it always you two?’_ is it? Believe me, I have been questioning the same thing.

I had told Brother to stop using my phone for gaming (his phone had been long dead after he battled his friends during the lunchbreak) before we’re arrived at home, but he just didn’t listen. So I gave up and tried to enjoy watching him played. At some point I fell asleep, and he only woke me up after my phone battery went dead—by that time, of course, we had passed our usual station hours ago.

We had spent our pocket money that day to buy tacos before getting into the train (whoops—I’m also at fault in this…) so no way we can buy another ticket. I watched Brother arguing with one of the officers about how it was their fault and demanded a free ride back (of course the officer won’t take it) before I decided to interfere.

Then we started arguing after exiting the station. Brother won’t admit his mistake, Dad, and he also insisted that we should not go see a police, telling me that doing so could bring shame to us two. _Shame?_ Well, _he_ had just said not-so-nice words to a station officer not too long ago! That was when Mr. Mustang spotted us and offered to drive us home.

Unlike what Brother had been telling me before I entered highschool, Mr. Mustang is so kind. He let us call Mom using his phone, and drove us all the way home—you do know how far our house is from the downtown, right? I thought Brother would reject, but he accepted nevertheless—although with a petty scowl on his face.

Besides, he was so cool—he was almost as smart as you, Dad! I thought the ride would be awkward, considering Brother’s not-so-good relationship with him, and that I don’t know him that well yet. But turned out we (well, mostly Brother and him, I just gave my occasional remarks) had a pleasant conversation. Brother is really good at chemistry, and since Mr. Mustang is a chemistry teacher, it would be normal if they clicked so easily.

Don’t tell him I said this, Dad, but somehow Brother had been disliking him since his first year, even went as far as drenching him in water before the class started! So seeing him actually listened to, and agreed with Mr. Mustang was really nice!

Dad, you must be really busy… Oh! But Mom’s birthday is a few weeks ahead and I, Brother, Winry and Granny Pinako is planning to throw her a birthday party this year, now that she’d been discharged from the hospital for quite a while! So, umm, can you make it? We understand if you couldn’t, but… uh, it would be nice if you’re here with us!

You too good luck with your work, Dad. We hope to hear from you soon!

Warmth,

**Alphonse Elric**

_Student, Class of 2017_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda, Jean Havoc, Maria Ross_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : YOU GUYS PAY UP FOR YOUR LOSS!_

I already smelled something fishy when Ri basically asked me to accompany her for cloth-shopping this Friday. I mean _Riza Hawkeye_? Initiating a cloth-shopping? Is it starting to rain in the Atacama Desert?

But thanks to my exceptional interrogation skill, she eventually admitted _it_ (much to her dismay, and blushing face, and ‘ _it doesn’t necessarily have to be a date’_ , yadda yadda) and I can now officially announce this:

**ROY FCKN MUSTANG HAD JUST ASKED RIZA HAWKEYE OUT FOR A DATE THIS SATURDAY NIGHT. AND SHE AGREED.**

I frickin know it that this will happen eventually!!!

Breda, you wagered that Roy won’t ever have the gut to ask her out or that Ri would be the one asking him out instead, so, pay up.

Jean, you said that Rizzie will play hard-to-get and won’t bother to say yes should he actually make a move. First off, I’m with her for almost 24/7. I know that she lowkey has a hot for Mustang all this time. Second, us women don’t ‘play hard-to-get’—it’s called ‘foreplay’, something you men have no idea about. Now stop speaking as if you know everything and pay up, Walking Ashtray.

Ross—well you didn’t bet for anything, but you were _there_ when we started the pool, so for goodness’ sake, don’t tell Ri that I _am_ involved in a gamble on her love life, okay?

Totally going to buy that cerulean kitten-heel I’ve been eyeing for weeks,

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blume : Flower  
> Fick dich : Fuck you
> 
> Well… finally caught up. I still haven’t write the materials for chapter 8. Hope that I can catch up soon, considering I’m entering my last exam week, but I’m saying this to notify you guys beforehand should I fail to do so. Thanks for your understanding :”)
> 
> Of course it would be wayyyy easier for Roy to ask Riza out instead of Olivier—if only he was brave enough to do it from the start.
> 
> It was heartbreaking to write Alphonse’s email to his dad ugh I can’t…
> 
> I’d like to talk more but my IRL duties are calling TAT you can always tell me what you think! I’ll try to reply to every reviews :)
> 
> P.s the pink hyacinths were a canon reference. Remember when Roy congratulate Olivier for being the head of the Armstrong family? Well let’s just say she got to revenge him now XD


	8. Out of the closet

.

.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Heracle Poarma_

_Attachment : photo_332 .jpg_

_Subject : Cookies_

To express my gratitude to Ishvalla for giving me yet another one year to live my life, I bring cookies for everyone at work today.

There is a full big jar of them in the pantry. Anybody can take it for free whenever they want (yes, including you, Bradley. You might think otherwise, but just for today I make an exception.) But be considerate—everyone has an equal right to taste my fine cuisine.

Regards,

**Heracle Poarma**

_Teacher, Cullinary Art_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heracle Poarma_

_From : Maria Ross_

_Subject : Re: Cookies_

Being one of the first few people to show up to work everyday has its perks. Your cookies were _extraordinary_. I hope I can get a recipe, but top chefs usually keep theirs a secret, eh?

Oh,  and happy birthday, Mr. Scar. Wish you all the best!

**Maria Ross**

_Teacher, School Guidance Counselor_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heracle Poarma_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Re: Cookies_

Thank you for the gesture, Mr. Scar. At last I can show Rebecca that showing up to work early has its own benefits—so that she doesn’t whine every single morning as I struggle to get her out of her bed.

Your treats are really delicious. Becky tried to claim half of them as hers, but don’t worry, I stopped her just in time before she grabbed her fourth cookie.

Happy birthday, Mr. Scar.

Warmest regards,

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heracle Poarma_

_From : Izumi Curtis_

_Subject : Re: Cookies_

I don’t really care how skilled you are, but not even someone in your caliber can fool my exceptional tongue—you used medium-quality flour from the farmer’s market nearby for these cookies, didn’t you? How many times do we have to argue for you to realize that flour quality greatly affect the taste of a dish?

Besides, the egg is a little lacking. Should you added another one or two, the texture would’ve been better.

Oh, and as a matter of formality, happy birthday.

**Izumi Curtis**

_Staff, Head of School-managed Canteen_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heracle Poarma_

_From : Sig Curtis_

_Subject : Re: Cookies_

Don’t mind my wife’s words, Mr. Scar. She had never been a fan of sweets, but your cookies managed to make her reconsider for a few times.

P.s Don’t tell her I said that.

P.s.s Happy b’day.

**Sig Curtis**

_Staff, School-managed Canteen_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_From : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_Subject : Please, Sister_

Sister, please think about it. The ballroom is only tomorrow night, and you haven’t even found a plus one yet. I’d like to accompany you, dear Sister, but I’ve agreed to become big sister Amue’s plus one first. I deeply apologize for that.

It will break Mother’s heart if her eldest daughter come to the ball with no company. And not even someone as manly as me can handle the woe of a mother! I beg you, please accept my help to find someone for you. Should I ask Mr. Miles for this favor?

Oh, and have you tasted the delicacy that is Mr. Scar’s cookies? They were so heavenly that I cried after having my first bite. Tried to show him my most sincere gratitude by hugging him and letting him feel my perfect muscles, but he elbowed me _hard_ in the sheen before I had the chance to—I do wonder why?

**Alex Louis Armstrong**

_Coach, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Attachment : Essay_Ling_Yao .pdf, Essay_Anthony_Lockheed .pdf_

_Subject : This made my day_

You’ve got to read this, Ri! Your students wrote even more hilarious essays than I did during highschool! I wonder how did Ling learn those internet slangs, though (and ended up using them for a school assignment!)

Ah, and how does our Queen Rizzie feel, now that she’s merely one day away from her date? Anyhow please don’t be too hard on my friend should he become rather dumbfounded and clumsy tomorrow—he might be our top negotiator, but such reaction is expected from him when he’s dealing with a beautiful woman!

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Maes Hughes_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Cc : Maria Ross_

_Attachment : Essay_Ling_Yao .pdf, Essay_Anthony_Lockheed .pdf_

_Subject : Re: This made my day_

Mr. Hughes,

 **Ling Yao. Is. Xingese.** And I have dealt with more than enough problems concerning language barriers these past three weeks, thank you very much.

Anthony is one of the at-risk-students placed under my watch, Mr. Hughes. We, as teachers, should pay more attention on increasing their academic performances, instead of seeking for amusement in their lack of effort to do so. I don’t even have to open the .pdf to know that his assignment only contains a compilation of various internet memes.

I have just done putting Ed under control, so please give me a little more time to take care of my other, ahem, _special_ students.

I’m… alright? Did he tell you something, Mr. Hughes? Besides it doesn’t necessarily have to be a date… And as a matter of fact, I’ve seen him nearly wetting his pants when my father lashed out at him in my house several days prior to his thesis proposal defense, so I guess the conditions you mentioned won’t be anything new. But thanks for your concern.

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To :Alex Louis Armstrong_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: Please, Sister_

If you think that I will let you become my plus one in the first place, I will refer you to a psychiatrist for being delusional.

Participating in extravagant social events had never been my thing. They should be grateful that I agreed to make an appearance—accompanied or not. If Mother is so insistent on me bringing someone along, can I just take my sabre instead? Considering it is way more useful and straightforward compared to almost every men I know.

Miles? No need to. While we’re on good terms, his wife could take it the wrong way. An unnecessary scandal is the last thing I need.

No. I don’t like sweets. They can cleanse out the taste of my imported _Luwak_ coffee I took for breakfast this morning. Besides, I grew up being taught not to eat commoners’ food—did you? Considering we were raised in the same household—or was it your brain?

**Olivier Mira Armstrong**

_Teacher, German Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Heracle Poarma_

_From : King Bradley_

_Subject : Re: Cookies_

‘Full big jar of them in the pantry’? I’ve searched for it thoroughly and found nothing. You lie-telling Ishvalan.

**King Bradley**

_Staff, Head of Administrative Affairs_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Maria Ross_

_From : Tim Marcoh_

_Subject : Did you see Brosh?_

Ms. Ross,

I have gotten Mr. Greed’s and the Principal’s signatures for the money-request proposal I made in order to buy some new reagents for the laboratory. All I need is the school’s stamp and file a copy of it for the archives. But when I went to his room, he was nowhere to be seen. All of his belongings—including his cellphone—were still at his desk, thus I couldn’t just call and ask him myself.

Do you know where he is? Please let him know soon—I can’t get the money without his stamp, and since tomorrow is Saturday, I have to go to the store before it closes at 4 p.m today.

Thank you.

**Tim Marcoh**

_Staff, Head of the Laboratory_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : I thought you were the one responsible for today’s sudden missing-cookies-mystery in the pantry and then Jean told me_

But _you_? Called in sick? I thought the April’s fool is still weeks away?

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: I thought you were the one responsible for today’s sudden missing-cookies-mystery in the pantry and then Jean told me_

Lost a bet. It’s almost the end of the month—payday won’t take place until the next few days. Dinner. No food. Defrosted some frozen old meals from the fridge. Ate like a pig. Turned out the expiration date was due six months ago. Go figure out the rest.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Tim Marcoh_

_From : Maria Ross_

_Subject : Re: Did you see Brosh?_

Mr. Marcoh,

I’m really sorry to tell you this, but contrary to the popular belief, I am _not_ Denny’s babysitter. I’m responsible for the students’ morale and what might affect it, so his whereabout is not something I would monitor 24/5.

But I’ve called his house, and his mother said he hasn’t gone back home either. Buccaneer also confirmed there had been no one coming in nor out of the school gate aside from a newspaper courier since the school started. But I’m sure I’ve seen him this morning, signing his attendance list in the administrative affair’s office.

If he is not back within the next one hour, I will file a formal report to the security staffs. Thanks for notifying me regarding his absence, Mr. Marcoh.

Warmth,

**Maria Ross**

_Teacher, School Guidance Counselor_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_From : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: Re: Please, Sister_

No, of course that won’t do! Besides I thought your sabre collections are stored in your estate in the North? Oh, that is, unless you decided to send them to Central before tomorrow…

I’m being serious, Sister. I insist on helping you to find someone. We also have to book a ticket to Central for him—drastic times call for drastic measures!

For instance, some of our coworkers at least know how to handle such social event. Do you want me to recommend a few names? I believe Mr. Falman had been to a handful of ballrooms before… and if rumours are to be believed, I heard the Principal is pretty good on the dance floor!

**Alex Louis Armstrong**

_Coach, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : All contacts_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Attachment : photo_1095 .jpg_

_Subject : Preponed deadline for teacher’s monthly evaluation form submission_

_All Teachers,_

_I am writing this letter to tell you that the monthly evaluation form that was originally due next week has been preponed to today ( **Friday, March 24 th 2017**) due to some official reasons. We understand the trouble caused to you because of this sudden change. I once again apologize to you for the inconvenience._

_Signed, Rebecca Catalina, Principal’s Secretary._

OKAY. YES. I KNOW. I understand. That’s why I’m writing an apology letter.

In my defense, I’m not the only one guilty here. If only the Principal is not too eager to leave his room to run ‘ _errands_ ’ every now and then, he would’ve told me, _directly_ , **_in person_** , that he demanded this month’s evaluation forms to be submitted today. Instead, he only left me a post-it note telling me that the form is due on _Friday, March 24 th 2017_. You can see it in the photo I attached—was it really my fault that his chickenscratch writings for ‘4’ looked incredibly similar to ‘9’?! We were lucky enough it was just now (and not later) I realized that March 29th does not fall on Friday. What else could that mean?

You guys can go work on your forms first and lash out to me later. I… kind of _persuaded_ Mr. Grumman to extend the deadline by two hours, so please send the forms to me before 6 p.m today.

Yes, Mr. Hughes, I know you are planning to take Elysia out after work, but can you postpone that for a few moments?

Rizzie, we _are_ still going to go shopping today—department stores close at 11 p.m on Friday nights. No need to worry, okay?

Mr. Scar, uh, it’s your birthday today, so please do spare my life and let me celebrate my birthday this year…?

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Re: Preponed deadline for teacher’s monthly evaluation form submission_

What the **_fuck_**.

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Vato Falman_

_Subject : Re: Preponed deadline for teacher’s monthly evaluation form submission_

You are disrupting my schedule today, Ms. Catalina. I’m a rather organized person, and any uncalled change to my agendas would bring me into a foul mood—thus preventing me from working efficiently.

I am sorry if my words were too harsh, but please do _not_ make this kind of mistake in the future.

Regards,

**Vato Falman**

_Teacher, History_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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.

_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : Re: Preponed deadline for teacher’s monthly evaluation form submission_

Rebecca. I hope it would always rain on the days you decide to wear one of your velvet shoes.

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Re: Preponed deadline for teacher’s monthly evaluation form submission_

The _hell_?! You know what, Bushy Head? Men nowadays prefer brain over beauty—now that you’ve proven that you got neither, perhaps it’s not really surprising you have a poor love life?

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Subject : Re: Preponed deadline for teacher’s monthly evaluation form submission_

NO WAAAAAY MY POOR BABY ELYSIA WOULD BE SOOO SAD!

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Solf Z. Kimblee_

_Subject : Re: Preponed deadline for teacher’s monthly evaluation form submission_

Good. I usually find my inner peace under heavy pressures and chaotic vibes.

**Solf Z. Kimblee**

_Teacher, Visual Art_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Re: Re: Preponed deadline for teacher’s monthly evaluation form submission_

Take back those filthy words of yours. ‘Brain over beauty?’ Ha. As if I don’t know your habit of sneaking glances to women’s bums. I wonder what will Ms. Armstrong say should I tell her?

Stop messing around and go work on your forms you Walking Ashtray.

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Miles_

_Subject : Re: Preponed deadline for teacher’s monthly evaluation form submission_

Sent. You can check my completed evaluation forms in your inbox.

**Miles**

_Teacher, Physics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Heracle Poarma_

_Subject : Re: Preponed deadline for teacher’s monthly evaluation form submission_

Ishvalla help us. Stay where you are. I’m going there.

**Heracle Poarma**

_Teacher, Cullinary Art_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: Re: Re: Please, Sister_

**Get lost.**

**Olivier Mira Armstrong**

_Teacher, German Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Your girlfriend I swear_

I rarely call in sick, but when I do, there will always additional workload coming out of nowhere… to be submitted on _the very same day_. Remember when I caught measles two years ago?

Anyway, I need your help. I’ve done filling half of the forms last week, but they are in my school computer—which is out of my reach, for obvious reasons. Do me a favor and mail them to me so that I can work on the rest of them from my laptop.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

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_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Re: Your girlfriend I swear_

Girlfriend my _ass_.

Yeah sure. I’d like to copy-paste some of your writings if they are compatible with my form, anyway. What’s your PC password? Where are the files located?

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: Re: Your girlfriend I swear_

Use the account ‘Euclid’. The password is pREttYcuRe1234. They’re right on the desktop. Do NOT open any of the folders. Use _Mozilla_ or _IE_ , because pretty sure I’m still logged in at _Chrome_.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: Re: Your girlfriend I swear_

Dammit why did I tell you those

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: Re: Your girlfriend I swear_

Fuck. Forget it all. Stupid stomachache— _fuck_. For the love of God, Jean Havoc, stop whatever you’re doing now. Fuck.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Re: Re: Re: Your girlfriend I swear_

Too late. Too fucking late.

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_From : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: Re: Re: Re: Please, Sister_

Sister, no. I hear some of the accreditation board members (both current and ex-es) will also attend the ball. I’m sure you know them personally, since they, too, took role in the last accreditation three years ago like you did. Although I know you won’t pay any heed, I can not let them look down on my dearest elder sister for being single for the night.

Oh, how I hope I could pour my energy into helping you with this, but sadly I have to finish my evaluation forms first. I will let you know if there’s any progress.

**Alex Louis Armstrong**

_Coach, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Sciezka_

_From : Kain Fuery_

_Subject : Leisure time_

Hello, Sciezka!

Uh, I feel like a bad guy for saying this, but thanks to Ms. Rebecca, more than half of our coworkers had been too absorbed in their reports since this morning so that they can’t just barge into my room and give me additional works… I was supposed to finish Mr. Hughes’ devices update by today, but I’m sure he won’t remember picking it up! At last I can slack off a little during work and chat with you!

Anyway Sciezka, you’ve tried Mr. Scar’s cookies already, haven’t you? They are really delicious! Ah—don’t take it the wrong way, of course I will still choose your Mac-and-cheese over his cookies, for sure!

What are you doing, Sciezka? Everybody had been busy today, between teaching and working on their forms… But I wonder what Denny is doing right now? I can’t find him in his room, nor that his IP address had shown any activity. Ugh, I need to get some data from him to be stored in this school’s server. Everyone is busy and he just decided to go somewhere!

Warmth,

**Kain Fuery**

_Staff, Department of Information and Technology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Alex Louis Armstrong_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_Subject : Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Please, Sister_

Stop with those disgusting endearments of yours, they make me feel nauseated.

I don’t care what those sexist pigs will say. But now that you mention it, I’ve got an idea that could bring us benefits.

Let me handle this. You just go focus on your forms. Me, on the other hand, always work on my form everyday and have my personal assistant proof-read it to avoid any mistakes. I’m sure Miles also did the same. You East City slackers should try doing things the North way for efficacy and efficiency.

**Olivier Mira Armstrong**

_Teacher, German Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : All contacts_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Where on earth is Brosh?_

I need him to hand me some files required to attach it to my forms. Can’t he just go slacking off somewhere randomly on some other day when things aren’t this chaotic?!

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Attachment : screencapture_003 .jpg_

_Subject : LOL_

Becky can kill me for not completing my forms on time for all I care because this would be worth it.

I thought finding your _My Little Pony_ series collection in your E: drive is hilarious enough (wait, didn’t Fuery warn you on your bandwith limit? These shits are fucking Blu-ray!) But holy damn heaven Fatty when did you record this hilarious video of yourself?!

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Attachment : screencapture_003 .jpg_

_Subject : Re: LOL_

JEAN FUCKING HAVOC. NO. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. DON’T YOU DARE DO IT.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : Kain Fuery_

_From : Sciezka_

_Subject : Re: Leisure time_

Hiya, Kain!

Well, that’s very nice to hear. Constant stress from the workplace is not good for your health! Would you like to read a book on that? I have some good references.

I wish I have, Kain. By the time I got to the pantry, those cookies were gone—even the jar! I wonder who would eat such amounts of cookies, though. Was it one of Ms. Riza’s student again?

Does he? I’m not even aware of that! (or maybe it’s because his office and the library are located on different floors…) But I thought I saw his signature on today’s daily attendance list when I was signing mine?

**Sciezka**

_Staff, Head of Library and Information Services_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Buccaneer_

_Subject : Re: Where on earth is Brosh?_

Apparently Denny Brosh had been missing since this morning. Some other staffs—Mr. Marcoh, Miles, Mr. Falman, Fuery, and Greed—had also asked Ms. Ross (who told me later) regarding his whereabout.

I’ve contacted the nearest police station and filed a report on missing person. Of course Mr. Principal and Mr. Bradley had been notified. I chose not to make an official announcement to avoid a fuss, considering you guys are frantic enough already thanks to Ms. Catalina.

**Buccaneer**

_Staff, Head of Security Personnels_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : All contact_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Monthly evaluation form submission_

Below is the list of teachers who had **not** sent me their form yet:

\- Alex Louis Armstrong

\- Heracle Poarma

\- Heymans Breda

\- Jean Havoc

\- Maes Hughes

\- Roy Mustang

\- Solf Z. Kimblee

\- Vato Falman

Please kindly submit the form before today at 6 p.m.

Thank you.

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Tim Marcoh_

_From : Heracle Poarma_

_Subject : Birthday_

My students threw me a surprise birthday party just now. I’m touched. May Ishvalla bless them.

**Heracle Poarma**

_Teacher, Cullinary Art_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Attachment : doki doki precure dance lesson ED 1 .mkv_

_Subject : Official announcement_

I, Heymans Breda, hereby approve that the man chanting and dancing to the 1st ending theme of _Doki-doki! Pretty Cure_ was indeed me, and that there has been no editing process involved during the production of this video. The video was taken under my consent, fully conscious and free from alcohol effect.

Oh, and also I have a full collection of _My Little Pony_ series—if any of you are interested in watching it, feel free to contact me.

_I should pierce your heart with a single wink,_

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Attachment : doki doki precure dance lesson ED 1 .mkv_

_Subject : Re: Official announcement_

My eyes. I need to heal my eyes.

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Attachment : doki doki precure dance lesson ED 1 .mkv_

_Subject : Re: Official announcement_

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, FATTY. BRB LAUGHING MY ARSE OFF

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Miles_

_Subject : I know you did this_

No wonder you took quite a long time in Breda’s desk. Entertaining, nonetheless. Let us now if you find anything else amusing.

**Miles**

_Teacher, Physics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : King Bradley_

_Attachment : doki doki precure dance lesson ED 1 .mkv_

_Subject : Re: Official announcement_

Ahem. Have you downloaded their latest version— _Kira Kira Pretty Cure a la Mode_? Please inform me if you have. I’d like to copy them.

And make sure you keep this confidential.

**King Bradley**

_Staff, Head of Administrative Affairs_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong_

_Subject : Still got the intention to take me out for dinner?_

Worry not, for that implausible wish of yours is coming true.

I’m appointing you to be my plus one for tomorrow’s ballroom event in Central. Don’t you dare get it wrong, Roy Mustang. I’m totally fine attending it by myself—my families are not. And there is a reason for me to take _you_ , of all people. The benefit we will get excesses the drawbacks.

Several board members will be there. You might want to see them in person. It’s not everyday you get to make a concession by informal means with them. That old Grumman would absolutely be pleased—nice boost to your career, am I right? Besides, it will definitely bring shame to the Armstrong Family if the school I teach in scores low in the accreditation, so make sure you do it right.

Also one or two of the attendees would be Central’s renowned professors in your major. Go use that silver-tongue of yours to gain a doctorate scholarship or such instead of using it for pitiful pick-up lines that won’t work on anyone.

Considering how persistent you had been to go out with me these past few weeks, I don’t see any reason for you to refuse this one. Not that you get an option to disagree, of course.

P.s I will just grant you one dance with me. And that’s only because the last gala will be obligatory. Get your hands near me otherwise and you will definitely regret it.

**Olivier Mira Armstrong**

_Teacher, German Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Christopher Vinther_

_Attachment : doki doki precure dance lesson ED 1 .mkv_

_Subject : Re: Official announcement_

Oh Father.

**Christopher Vinther**

_Staff, Treasurer_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

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.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Knox_

_Subject : Remedies for whoever watched Breda’s inappropriate video earlier_

**R/ Collyrium boric acid 40 ml**

**S 2 d.d collyr o.d.s**

…

**R/ Eye cup fl. No. I**

**S usus externus**

…

**Signed, Knox**

For those who are wondering, these are prescriptions for eye washing. You can take it to a local pharmacist. Do not use it more than necessary to prevent irritation.

You’re welcome.

**Knox**

_Staff, Physician_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

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_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Yoki_

_Subject : I’m hearing voices_

Mr. Buccaneer,

Are you sure the ground floor closet is not haunted? I’ve been hearing voices there since approximately 10 a.m this morning. But this is not the first time I hear that kind of thing, I swear!

**Yoki**

_Staff, Head of Building Maintenances_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : (No subject)_

The _fuck_ , Jean. That’s it. This is the end of our friendship. Don’t come running to me everytime you get your ass beaten by the problems you caused.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

**Sent from mobile**

.

.

_To : All contact_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Monthly evaluation form submission_

Below is the list of teachers who had **not** sent me their form yet:

\- Jean Havoc

Please kindly submit the form before today at 6 p.m.

Thank you.

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Re: (No subject)_

Revenge, bitch.

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Where are your forms?_

Your doings, despite cheering people up in such a hectic day, will not get your forms completed in time. You’re the only one left. The due is still two hours away, but I’d like to get Ri some pretty dresses for her date tomorrow. You better finish it quick so we can get out of the school earlier than we expected.

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : All contacts_

_From : Maria Ross_

_Attachment : photo_237 .jpg_

_Subject : Clarification_

Dear all,

For those who had questioned me regarding where Denny Brosh is, and those who had been blaming each others and even Ling Yao for Mr. Scar’s missing cookies, and also those who had been wondering whether the ground-floor janitor closet is haunted or not, let me and Mr. Buccaneer show you the sole culprit for all of those:

_ Click here to display photo_237 .jpg _

If you can’t put two and two together, let me explain; this guy decided to make all Mr. Scar’s cookies his possession, hid here while enjoying said treats, and gracefully locked himself inside the closet by accident. Of course, with no cellphone, and considering people rarely walk past here, nobody would’ve known where he was.

You don’t need to scold him because I’m currently doing it, and I’m not planning to stop any sooner.

Thank you.

**Maria Ross**

_Teacher, School Guidance Counselor_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Maes Hughes_

_From : Christopher Vinther_

_Subject : Prior notification_

I don’t know whether you’re done with your forms already or not, but I’m telling you this anyway.

Hear this. No eavesdropping intended, I was just doing errands with Bradley in his office when I overheard Mustang’s conversation with the new German Literature teacher which took place in the very same room.

I can’t really remember what they were arguing over, but for this one I’m 100% sure; You better arrange a funeral for your bestie soon, Hughes, since I just saw him accepting Olivier’s offer (order) to be her plus one for an upcoming ballroom event in Central tomorrow night.

Am I exaggerating anything? No. I took a peek at her records, and turns out she won the Amestris National Fencing Championship for five consecutive years (before she was banned from entering the competition because of that,) holds a black belt in _krav maga_ , and according to her brother, is currently taking private _Muay Thai_ lessons every three days.

For your information, I know someone who sells coffin at a low-price, and I might also help you to find a decent funeral organizer. We can always talk about the commission later. How does that sound?

**Christopher Vinther**

_Staff, Treasurer_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luwak coffee : ‘Kopi Luwak’, civet coffee. The origin of civet coffee is closely connected with the history of coffee production in Indonesia. It is listed as one of world’s most expensive coffee.  
> Euclid : Euclid of Alexandria, “Father of Geometry”  
> Muay thai : A combat sport from Thailand.
> 
> Here goes a chapter that turns out longer than expected. Anyhow, I made it! I posted it on time! Yay!  
> I would like to apologize if you’ve been looking forward to Olivier and Miles’ bits… At some point in the manga (I forgot which chapter tho, but it was during Ed’s visit to Briggs) it is mentioned that Miles had had a wife already… So I just cling to it ^^
> 
> Oh I’m just gonna ramble here as usual, you can just skip this part if you’d like to—thanks for reading the chapter!  
> I don’t know if some of you guys had realized it already… but in some of the chapters, I tried to overshadow things in the title. Because, you know, cool writers tend to do that. And I’d like to try it—even though it’s kinda failed, hey, at least I tried!
> 
> In Chapter 3 – Troublemaker(s), the title refers to all the mishap-maker mentioned in the story—Ed, Ling, Lan Fan, unanticipated money proposals, lemonade iced tea inside the fire extinguisher, Rebecca’s high-slit skirt… everything revolved around the word ‘trouble’!
> 
> So did Chapter 5 – Misunderstanding (Ling’s inappropriate language, Sig’s failed ratatouille, and Roy’s attempt) and Chapter 6 – Fashion disaster (Jean in skirt, Roy’s poor fashion choice, Olivier’s Armani suit, Alex’s shirt… or the lack thereof)!
> 
> And in this chapter, Chapter 8 – Out of the closet, we get to see Breda’s ‘out of the closet’ moment with his pretty cure secret (and subsequently, Bradley) and Brosh—both figuratively and literally—being the culprit for Scar’s missing cookies, and being out of the closet after being locked inside for hours… heh.
> 
> I’m sorry. Those informations were definitely unnecessary... I just feel like telling it XD
> 
> I hope you like how the story takes its turn though… I’ve never been one to be good at plots ^^; Like I stated a few chapters ago, I write this mainly because I like the dynamics between each characters but alas, without a plot, it couldn’t take place.
> 
> You can always tell me what you think in the review box!
> 
> Thanks for reading! And moooreee thanks for staying! :”)
> 
> P.s Yeah, Bradley’s liking for PreCure definitely refers to FMAB Special – 4 Koma Theater episode 15, where there was a parody of Bradley’s battle scene with Greeling, and he do this transformation called Magical change: Lovely Bradley! I LOL-ed at that! XD
> 
> P.s.s Yes, the part where Roy said he needed to heal his eyes was 100% intentional.


	9. Saturdate

.

.

_To : Mr. Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Riza Hawkeye (+xxxxxxxx404)_

**Mr. Roy?**

.

* * *

.

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**What the actual _fuck_ , Roy?**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**Enlighten me.**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Why did you accept Ms. Armstrong’s offer to be her plus one for a ballroom event TONIGHT when you are supposed to be on _another_ date with _another_ woman?!**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**Who told you?**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**That is not the problem here.**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**Very well, then. I’m a grown up man. I know what I’m doing. What are you, my aunt?**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Seriously? After all the efforts _I_ invested so that her eternal wait for a certain douchebag would come to an end?**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**_Efforts_? All you did was toying with my issues.**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Wha—Did I force you to do it? No. Did anyone? _No._ If you were chivalrious enough, you can just skip that Olivier part and proceed to the Riza part properly. It would cost you way less than a humiliation towards your masculinity. Or the lack thereof. All you needed was a little _courage_. Ever heard of that word?**

.

.

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Becky told me that girl was so excited.**

.

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**I know she had been turning down many dates, and to hell with you if you say you don’t know the reason behind it.**

.

.

.

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**_Answer me, Roy Mustang._ **

.

.

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**I _can’t_ believe you did this.**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**You have no idea how high Grumman’s expectation is for this year’s accreditation, Maes. We’ve got to seize every chances we could afford, no matter how small they are. If he was just looking for a substitute for German Literature teacher, why didn’t he look up for a new one? Bureaucracy is a _real_ pain in the arse—why would he bother to bear with it just to transfer an Olivier Armstrong here? It’s because she has the connections—now that she’s giving it out freely, who would want to refuse it? It’s not like she is generous enough to do that everyday.**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**You’re incorrigible. Fine, then. What did you tell Riza? That she’s not your main concern for the night and you’ve got something more important to tend to?**

.

.

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Did you not tell her _at all_ , Mustang?**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**Does it look like I have the heart to say that to her face?**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**You? Heart? Hell no. If it is your choice to be a bachelor forever and making your career ambitions your top priority, then go with it for all I care. But you do NOT drag a lady along with that. Are you planning to make her wait all night for nothing? If you’re not going to show up, at least be honest and damn tell her.**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**Being too nosy there, eh, Hughes?**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Just because you’re too much of a coward, Mustang.**

.

_To : Hughes, Maes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

**No. It’s because that stupid bet of yours.**

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**Yes, blame it all on me when I was just trying to help you to get out from your cowardice.**

.

.

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**I know you read my texts. Don’t ignore them on purpose.**

.

.

_To : Roy boy (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Maes Hughes (+xxxxxxxx138)_

**I’m done. Fuck it. Fuck you, to be precise.**

.

.

* * *

.

.

_To : Mustang, Riza (+xxxxxxxxx404)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxx489)_

**I’m sorry for the late reply. Just got the time to check my phone. What’s it, Riza?**

.

_To : Mr. Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Riza Hawkeye (+xxxxxxxx404)_

**You’re having another plan tonight? Why didn’t you tell me?**

.

_To : Mustang, Riza (+xxxxxxxxx404)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxx489)_

**It was… so sudden, and beyond my prediction. I haven’t find the right timing to tell you by myself, since I’ve been busy packing up my belongings and catching the train since this morning. I’m sorry if I made you disappointed. Really.**

.

_To : Mr. Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Riza Hawkeye (+xxxxxxxx404)_

**It’s alright. Next time, just be sure you only make feasible promises, for both parties’ sake. Or if you were going to cancel it anyway, you tell the other person without having to be asked first—it’s a common courtesy. Have a safe trip. Stations in Central tend to get extremely crowded on weekends.**

.

_To : Mustang, Riza (+xxxxxxxxx404)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxx489)_

**You know I’m heading to Central?**

.

_To : Mr. Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Riza Hawkeye (+xxxxxxxx404)_

**To be honest, I overheard some of our coworkers talking about your conversation with Ms. Armstrong in Mr. Bradley’s office yesterday. I thought you would refuse it since you’d been booked for the night, but I guess the affairs there are too important to miss. It’s alright, I understand how high the stakes are—you hold a big deal in shaping our school’s performance in the accreditation and all—I was just waiting for _you_ to tell me first… before I decided to clarify it myself.**

.

_To : Mustang, Riza (+xxxxxxxxx404)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxx489)_

**Right… I’m sorry, Riza.**

.

_To : Mr. Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Riza Hawkeye (+xxxxxxxx404)_

**Yes. Have fun, Mr. Mustang.**

.

.

* * *

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Rebecca Catalina (+xxxxxxxx846)_

**She refused to go out with me tonight because she got a date with a certain someone _and_ suddenly, she decided that spending the night in our apartment room is way more tempting than said date. Care to provide me some explanations?**

.

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Rebecca Catalina (+xxxxxxxx846)_

**_Roy Mustang._ **

.

_To : Catalina, Rebecca (+xxxxxxxxx846)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxx489)_

**I told her everything already. Stop bothering me.**

.

_To : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Rebecca Catalina (+xxxxxxxx846)_

**Well I would’ve asked her if she’s not too focused throwing darts vigorously in the living room! What the hell is wrong with you two?**

.

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Rebecca Catalina (+xxxxxxxx846)_

**Update: She keeps hitting the bull’s eye for rows, and this is the second time she hangs a new dartboard—for the old ones had been done for. Would’ve been better if it was your face’s photo tho, she seems really pissed off.**

.

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Rebecca Catalina (+xxxxxxxx846)_

**Nevermind. Mr. Hughes spat it all out. Want my one cent? You’re a bastardized jerk. Really.**

.

_To : Catalina, Rebecca (+xxxxxxxxx846)_

_From : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxx489)_

**You might want to watch your words, Catalina. The fact that I have a close relationship with your best friend can not justify your action of insulting a senior cowoker.**

.

_To : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Rebecca Catalina (+xxxxxxxx846)_

**_Close relationship_? Don’t make me laugh. I thought I knew what Riza saw in you, but I’m afraid I’ve been wrong all this time.**

.

.

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Rebecca Catalina (+xxxxxxxx846)_

**Marvelous. Now she’s locking herself inside her room and won’t let me in. Do I also need to thank you for that?**

.

.

* * *

.

.

_To : Big Sis Olivier (+xxxxxxxxx001)_

_From : Alex Louis Armstrong (+xxxxxxxx004)_

**O Sister, the last Gala dance is about to start. Aren’t you dancing with Mr. Roy Mustang?**

.

_To : Armstrong, Alex (+xxxxxxxxx004)_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong (+xxxxxxxx001)_

**Dunno where he is. I last saw him sitting in the corner near the emergency exit door, drunk and all. Probably dead. I don’t really care.**

.

_To : Big Sis Olivier (+xxxxxxxxx001)_

_From : Alex Louis Armstrong (+xxxxxxxx004)_

**What? How could you let him be, Sister?!**

.

_To : Armstrong, Alex (+xxxxxxxxx004)_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong (+xxxxxxxx001)_

**See that empty water pitcher on the oval table over there? That’s the exact amount of the flying fuck I give. I can’t believe he just drowned himself in liquors _right_ after he’d done dealing with his work shit. That uncivilized East City peasant. If it’s not for that stupid school’s sake I won’t even bother bringing him here.**

.

_To : Big Sis Olivier (+xxxxxxxxx001)_

_From : Alex Louis Armstrong (+xxxxxxxx004)_

**Wha—Mother won’t let the head of our family in line miss the last Gala dance! No worry, Sister. I will dance with you—maybe Big Sister Amue will understand. We can take care of Mr. Roy Mustang later. Now where are you?**

.

_To : Armstrong, Alex (+xxxxxxxxx004)_

_From : Olivier Mira Armstrong (+xxxxxxxx001)_

**Alex. _Mach es dir selber_.**

.

.

* * *

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang (+xxxxxxxxx489)_

_From : Rebecca Catalina (+xxxxxxxx846)_

**Riza silently cried herself to sleep. Next Monday, _Sir_ , make sure you stay away as far as possible from the principal’s office.  Because if we managed to see each other, you are very, _very dead, Roy Mustang._**

_._

_._

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mach es dir selber : Go fuck yourself
> 
> Text message format since why bother checking on you work email on weekends? XD
> 
> Ri’s contact name in Roy’s phone was ‘Riza Mustang’ because he is just sappy and too drunk in love. OR maybe because he once sent a cheesy text message to ‘Hawkeye’ and accidentally sent it to his professor instead. Lol.  
> Well, some of you might had been waiting for this chapter to be released, and turns out the chapter was rather short… and lack of humor. I’m sorry for that one, but I think this chap is necessary…
> 
> The Roy we all know takes his job seriously, and is very passionate about it. But he also wants his date as bad as Riza wants it, thus it would be hard for him to just cancel it after all this time. Ugh.
> 
> And I hope I’m not making Riza OOC here. I mean, yeah if I were her, I would be chill if he decided to take care of whatever-he-needs-to-do in Central first. She’s a woman of logic, after all. But finding it out from a 3rd party? And who would guarantee that he will tell her if she didn’t ask him first? He didn’t even denied that fact anyway. I believe it was what make her disappointed in the first place. (Pssh, besides, Becky did say that she had been excited for their plan! XD)  
> Any thoughts?
> 
> Thanks for reading :D


	10. Rain

.

.

_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Riza Hawkeye_

_Subject : I forgot to tell you this_

Mr. Buccaneer,

I’m sorry but it seemed that this one slipped out of my mind when we talked a few minutes ago. Dogs are afraid of thunderstorms and tend to get giddy during one. Thus, taking the unfriendly weather outside into account, you can point him some covert places, such as under a table or behind the counter (as long as it is free from electrical wires,) so he will have the chance to hide everytime the lightning flashes and thunder booms.

Oh, and also, he had been potty-trained, you just only have to bring him to the toilet (yes, human toilet) once he started barking and running in circles. He is only allowed to consume three dog treats at max outside his feeding schedule. But if the thunderstorm _does_ arrive, you can give him some more treats as a distraction. Put the dog toys near him so he can make himself busy and won’t interfere too much with your works. If he starts jumping onto furnitures or scratching the walls, tell him “ _Black Hayate, no_ ” in a strict, commanding voice. If he still doesn’t listen, just pretend that you’re calling me to get him—Becky says it always works.

I’m sorry for the trouble we caused… Aunt Emily, who’d been taking care of him everytime I and Rebecca are out for work, is visiting her grandchildren in another city today. She will be back tomorrow so I promise you this favor won’t last long.

Thank you very much, Mr. Buccaneer.

**Riza Hawkeye**

_Teacher, Biology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Buccaneer_

_Subject : Re: I forgot to tell you this_

Ms. Riza,

You only forgot the thunderstorm part, no need for you to retell me the resume of everything you’ve just said before.

Don’t mention it. Helping out pretty ladies like you is my job.

**Buccaneer**

_Staff, Head of Security Personnels_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Truce_

Dude, seriously. That pretty cure incident is, like, days ago. Do you really need to be salty af and keep ignoring my presence? There is something that had been bothering me, and sure as fuck you’ve seen it too. Let’s call a truce for today.

So last Monday morning when I was preparing things needed for P.E on the first period, Bushy Head barged into the gymnasium out of nowhere… and started roasting me on Roy’s behalf. Of course I went _what-the-actual-fuck_ and told her to scold him directly instead. She then filled me in on what Hughes told her about what had happened last Saturday, stating that she can’t chew him off herself without breaking his neck.

Well Mustang being an ass is not something surprising. But the heck dude we gave off our money because he had _the_ date, and he managed to blow it off for another woman? What a dick. Uhm, yes. Although our money is not the main point here.

But what concerns me most is how Rizzie reacted to it. Man… I instantly felt sorry for her already even before Rebecca told me how she coped. It would’d been much better if she got angry and lashed out or at the very least, gave that guy a telling-off. But lately everytime we met, she acted as if nothing happened. I’ve tried asking an off-handed question on how her weekend was but she only laughed and shrugged it off. Dammit.

I don’t know whether this one is a psychological bias or not, but from what I observed, those two had been avoiding each others—which won’t solve anything. You got something in mind?

Gotta teach today’s first period soon,

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Alphonse Elric_

_Cc : Maria Ross_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Detention Notice_

The student **Alphonse Elric** will be detained during the lunch break on **Wednesday, March 29** from **… … …** until **… … …** for the following reason(s):

**\-  … … …**

Signed,

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Maria Ross_

_Subject : Re: Detention Notice_

Breda, I know this is the first time you write a detention notice as a homeroom teacher, but I remember correctly we’ve told you the correct procedure to do so. Even without that, an elementary school student would’ve known that the blanks are meant to be filled accordingly to the current conditions. Go learn from Riza, she’s an expert at giving out detention notices.

Speaking of which… Have you seen her lately? Is this just me, or does she actually seem… off? I don’t know. She looked normal otherwise, but a glint in her expression I saw when we talked yesterday was not something I can easily dismiss.

Regards,

**Maria Ross**

_Teacher, School Guidance Counselor_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: Truce_

Sorry for the late reply. One of my kids just pulled an antic this morning and I had to deal with it first.

Truce? Under one condition: you _will_ buy me large-sized sandwiches for lunch. For three days straight. It’s fine, you can postpone it until payday, I know we both are pretty much broke thanks to your girlfriend.

Well… I second that. Both of them are being too obvious, don’t you think? I mean Riza has the right to avoid him, and Mustang likely has been avoiding her due to guilt. Although, the situation is not that simple.

Yesterday I obliviously teased him, asking how his date went last Saturday. He merely responded with “Date my _ass._ ” And left. Of course I was surprised. I was ready to confront him and asked what his problem was and his reason for being butthurt out of the blue, but his face—tired expression, dark eyebags, unshaven stubly beards—told me enough to leave him alone for the time being.

Later that day I asked Mr. Hughes whether he knew what had happened to that guy. He looked at me right in the eye, and in a surprisingly serious tone—which is so un-Hughes-like—asked me not to speak of him. I was like, _oh, sure,_ but of course it left me wondering _._ (At the end of the working hour, I realized that the two of them hadn’t spoken to each others _at all_ for the day.)

Also at some point I met Alex in the water-cooler and chatted with him a bit. He told me about how he spent his weekend attending a ballroom party in Central with his family. I made an off-handed comment on how I want to see his sister waltz around the dancefloor with someone and how astonishingly hilarious that would be. He laughed and said he’d wanted to see the same thing, but alas, Roy got drunk halfway through the party. And of course Ms. Armstrong was way more than pleased not having to dance with him (nor to dance at all). I was perplexed—what did Mustang have to do with this?

He then said something like this, “ _Oh, you didn’t know? My sister required a plus one to attend the party, and considering that some of her former friends whom are still active members of the accreditation board would also attend, she figured out that Mr. Roy Mustang could have some pretty deals with them and asked him to go with her. Of course, my sister’s way of ‘asking’ is kinda different from the rest of us_.”

Then everything fell into places; Roy didn’t really want to go with Ms. Armstrong (well, he was booked for the night already) but considering her nature, I think he didn’t really have a choice. Hughes was mad at him for that—and subsequently, Rebecca. He got drunk afterwards—indicating that he _knew_ what he had done but got no idea on how to fix it. Reading your mail only confirmed it further.

I mean, yeah, he was being a dick, and Riza’s reaction was justifiable. But I don’t think it was right either for Mr. Hughes, of all people, to tell him off when all he needed was support.

I can’t exactly pinpoint what the problem between him and Riza was, but I guess the Roy Mustang we know has every capability to solve problems his own way. We can only encourage him to come back into his rationality in order to do so. Besides, interfering with someone else’s relationship would be far too much.

Seems like we got to talk with Mr. Hughes first. It would be too suspicious if we confront Roy directly regarding this when he didn’t even tell us anything.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Buccaneer_

_Subject : Black Hayate_

Ms. Rebecca,

Your dog is missing. He suddenly jumped and ran out of the door when a thunder boomed. We’re doing our best to search for him, but with the heavy rain outside, there is only so much we can do.

Please don’t tell Ms. Riza this. We _will_ get the dog back. I don’t want to disappoint her, nor being the receiver of her infamous temper should she found out what happened.

**Buccaneer**

_Staff, Head of Security Personnels_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Re: Re: Truce_

Wow. Think you should lose more bet—maybe it forced you to stop eating junkfood and become smarter in an instance.

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: Re: Re: Truce_

Hav, pleace fuck yourself.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Alphonse Elric_

_From : Edward Elric_

_Subject : I heard you got a detention letter. See? I was being right_

On two things; First, I was being right for telling you that everyone will get at least one detention notice during their schoolyears. Stop mocking me as if it was a disgrace for getting them. Second, I frickin _told_ you to leave those two puppies behind! Of course no pet would be allowed in the classroom! Now see what you’ve got yourself into?

**Edward Elric**

_Student, Class of 2016_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Edward Elric_

_From : Alphonse Elric_

_Subject : Re: I heard you got a detention letter. See? I was being right_

Brother,

The widely-accepted standard is ‘not getting any detention notice at all’. Please don’t bring ‘everyone’ down into your level by saying that they will eventually get one just because your standard is different than ours.

I was not breaking any rule since I wasn’t intending to keep them inside the classroom. I was waiting for Mr. Curtis to set up a place for them in their warm kitchen—since Mr. Buccaneer’s place was already occupied by Ms. Riza’s dog, who didn’t seem fond of these puppies. Who would’ve known that Mr. Breda would be so freaked out upon seeing them?

He gave me a detention notice under adrenaline, Brother. It wasn’t even valid—he didn’t state the reason why I was called in for.

Even so, please do not tell mom or dad about this.

**Alphonse Elric**

_Student, Class of 2017_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Re: Black Hayate_

You _what_? With all the rain outside? Ri would be so angry—you better let the security guards know ASAP!

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Re: Black Hayate_

Wait _you are_ a security guard!!! What should we do?! I’ve dealt with enough Angry Rizzie already!

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heracle Poarma, Maria Ross, Miles, Roy Mustang, Tim Marcoh, Vato Falman_

_From : Buccaneer_

_Attachment : photo_745 .jpg_

_Subject : Missing dog_

So this morning Ms. Riza asked me to look after her dog for a while, and long story short, it decided to run away. I don’t have a photo of it, but I’m trying my best to draw it myself, as you can see in the attached photo. It is a shiba inu, black and white fur, too old to be called a pup but not too big either.

We’ve got all the gates secured, and with this kind of weather, I hope he hadn’t gotten too far. Let me know if you see something that matches the dog’s description.

And please don’t break the news to her before we solve this problem because of… _reasons_.

Thank you.

**Buccaneer**

_Staff, Head of Security Personnels_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Maes Hughes_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Please don’t tell me to drop this one_

Mr. Hughes,

Okay, I’m not an expert at word-play, so let me get this straight.

First off, I apologize if it looks like I’m poking my nose into places I should not. But well, I got two eyes to use, thus we can’t really blame anyone if I decided to use it to observe things, can we?

And according to the aforementioned observation I did, I take it that there’s a problem between you and Mustang—yes, that one is obvious. Several possibilities exist regarding the underlying causes, but I’m aware that intruding further into them would make you uncomfortable. Even so, it is safe to say that each possibilities would still point towards the same direction; communication.

Look, I’m not siding with anyone here. I’ve heard the story from several point of views, yes, but none of them directly came from you nor Mustang. So if you’re asking me to solve your problem here, well, I can’t. And that is exactly my point—both you and him should listen to each other’s side of story in order to patch things up.

I’m writing _you_ this instead of him because someone have to actually make the move first. And according to my judgement, _you_ are the more viable candidate compared to a big ball of misery Mustang had transformed into recently.

Uh, of course it’s not everyday I walk around giving people unwanted advices. Just for this time, please trust me, Mr. Hughes. If what I’ve said above is still not cheesy enough to convince you, lemme grate more cheese into it by saying this; I just hate seeing my friends being against each others, so please fix everything soon.

Regards,

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Miles_

_Subject : Re: Missing dog_

Well, the most logical thing to do is calling for a dog shelter’s help. There is just a little we can do—I suggest leaving it to the professionals for efficacy and efficiency. Although I’m not sure if Mr. Greed would want to spare any centz for this…

**Miles**

_Teacher, Physics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Vato Falman_

_Subject : Re: Missing dog_

I’m sorry Mr. Buccaneer, but I’m afraid that the picture you sent us won’t be of much help.

Dogs are afraid of thunderstorms. A majority of them will display signs of anxiety unpredictable behaviors during one—including barking uncontrollably, running into furnitures, and such. I wonder why he decided to go outside instead, despite the heavy rain?

As for now, the only thing we can count on is the quick and sudden movements—since the rain makes it harder for us to spot forms easily. I will let you know if I managed to catch a glimpse of quick-moving object outside.

Oh, but… are you telling me to _actually_ seek for him? I apologize, Mr. Buccaneer, but I can barely stand the coldness in dry outfit. If I get drenched in rain, there is a big possibility that I have to call in sick for the next one week straight. But otherwise, I will help as much as I could.

Best regards,

**Vato Falman**

_Teacher, History_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : (No subject)_

How’s Mr. Hughes?

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: (No subject)_

Still not convinced. Perhaps I should see him face-to-face. But if it also doesn’t work, I guess we’re out of options aside from calling it a day and wait until tomorrow. How’s the talk with your GF?

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : Re: Re: (No subject)_

Don’t expect too much. We all know what a stubborn piece of shit she is. At least she had the decency to be silent and listened to what I said… Can we just take it as a positive sign?

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: Re: Re: (No subject)_

Darn it. Let’s just see how much further we can push our luck.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Kain Fuery_

_Subject : Dog_

Ms. Catalina,

I’m writing this to inform you that Black Hayate is here with me, safe and sound and warm. He was found under one of the cars, shivering and scared and covered in mud, but we have taken care of that and now he’s good as new. Please pass this to Ms. Riza.

Thank you.

**Kain Fuery**

_Staff, Department of Information and Technology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Rebecca Catalina_

_From : Kain Fuery_

_Subject : Dog (continued)_

Okay he was watching right behind my back to make sure that I only told you what I wrote in my previous mail. Now that he is gone, let me tell you the full version of the story.

Credits to Mr. Mustang for finding Black Hayate in such condition. I was casually doing my errands when suddenly he entered my room uninvited. He was completely soaked from head to toe—too muddy and dirty that he actually left his shoes outside so he wouldn’t stain the floor much worse—holding an equally dirty and whimpering Black Hayate in his arms. I was really worried… what if the water dripping from them got in touch with the wires? Uh, you know how my room looks like, Ms. Catalina!

Needless to say we spent the next one hour scrubbing the dog and drying him up. Mr. Mustang even told me to fetch his spare vest from his locker and used it to wrap Black Hayate, helping him to become slightly warmer. Although I will have to scrub the sink and floor later, I’m really glad that Black Hayate is here with us! I don’t even want to imagine what would happen to him should he stay in such a freezing weather any longer.

Although I can’t help but wondering—why did he insist _me_ to tell _you_ this? Black Hayate is originally Ms. Riza’s dog, right? Mr. Mustang is a close, umm… ‘ _friend’_ , of her. Why didn’t he tell her himself? And I thought he is the one who constantly whines on how complex the bureaucracies are!

Do you know what happened, Ms. Catalina? Because when I asked him that, he said something along the line that maybe Ms. Riza will not want to hear from him anymore… I hope it is not true.

P.s Pets are obviously not allowed inside the server’s room. I can’t keep him here, but I can’t let him out either—what if he run away for the second time? Where should I put him? I will get scolded again!

**Kain Fuery**

_Staff, Department of Information and Technology_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Buccaneer_

_From : Heracle Poarma_

_Subject : Re: Missing dog_

Fuery got the dog. Should he bring it to your place? Because I think it would be much safer in the server’s room since it can’t see the lightning and the thunder’s growl sounds like it had been dampered by much. Better than risking it to run off again.

To hell with Bradley if he’s going to punish this kid for doing a good deed. I know he has no heart, but I hope he still got some decency for things like this.

**Heracle Poarma**

_Teacher, Cullinary Art_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Maes Hughes_

_Subject : (No subject)_

Dear Roy Mustang,

I am sorry for lashing out at you a few days ago. I’m sorry if you felt like I was toying with your issues instead of helping you out. I’m sorry I didn’t try to listen to _your_ side of story, and readily jumped into conclusion according to my narrow judgement only.

There I said it, you prick. Happy?

Well, but I mean it, nonetheless. My anger surged up the second I heard that you really went to Central, clouding my reasonable thoughts. Else I would’ve known that no way in hell you will accept Ms. Armstrong’s offer if she hadn’t coerced you into agreeing—let alone putting your work matters on stake. I figured out that maybe it was hard for you, too.

People tend to say things they don’t mean to when they are angry. So if I managed to offend that silky, softy, sensitive heart of yours, I am taking back everything I said. You can stop being an angsty mess now.

Oh cancel that, I’m taking back everything EXCEPT for the one when I called you a coward for not letting her know straight away—regarding your feelings, and later about cancelling your date.

Roy, contrary to the popular proverb, you are a master of all trades and jack of none. So where did it go when you’re dealing with her?

Keep in mind that you didn’t ask her out because you lost a bet to me—I know you’ve been thinking about it for a long time (for fck’s sake Roy I even know your pants size, don’t you dare telling me that this one is just a random guess.) Else I wouldn’t even consider the bet as a possibility. I was merely giving you a cue—so that you will have the thoughts to confront yourself. Be honest. Admit to yourself that she is more than just your professor’s daughter. Accept the fact that your feelings towards her is not merely an infatuation. And how many times have I told you that those all are _reciprocal_?

Really. That was what I originally intended when I came up with that bet. The Olivier part is just a way to spice things up… heh. No regret on this one. I’m sorry if you took it the wrong way tho.

And about not telling her for your canceled date—what the bloody hell, dude? Even if it was not Riza, I would still scold you for leaving common courtesies behind! **Remember you still owe her an apology for this one, Roy Mustang.**

I don’t know what took you so long to come back to your desk, but I hope you read this mail and not sending it straight away into the trash bin.

Oh, and don’t forget to thank Breda. He was the one forcing me to write those apologies (the rest of this mail, I wrote it myself.)

Anyhow, the new month will arrive in a few days. By the time I got my new monthly bandwith, prepare yourself to receive Elysia’s school-picnic photos from last week.

**Maes Hughes**

_Teacher, English Literature_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Roy Mustang_

_From : Rebecca Catalina_

_Subject : Not bad_

Is ‘get a woman through her dog’ is an equivalent of ‘get a king through his horse’? You _really_ are Grumman’s protégé, aren’t you?

Listen. I’m not gonna say sorry for everything I told you last Saturday—you _did_ hurt my best friend in some ways, and my anger was justified. But I figured out that dwelling in such a grim emotion is really taxing, nor it would solve anything.

It was really sweet of you to brace through the storm to save your girl’s dog from freezing to death, even went as far as doing it anonymously without her finding out. I’m really touched, I thought I was witnessing a sappy midnight soap opera.

I’m sure Rizzie would be really grateful for that. She would also be touched by your ‘heroic’ action because she has the heart of an angel and you obviously don’t deserve her for that. Sorry to break you this news; but those cheesy endearments are NOT what she actually needs now.

She wasn’t disappointed in you because you ditched the date for some other important things in Central. After all she, of all people, understands what your job means to you.

But she was disappointed because she had to hear it from someone else. She was disappointed because you didn’t look at her in the eyes and told her straight away that you got something more important to attend. See? She was disappointed in your _indecisiveness_.

Riza is not an emotional mushy cheesy cutie girl who thinks using her emotion. She is a mature woman, practical and logical, always put rationality and common sense first. It should’ve been easier for someone like you to win her heart, or am I wrong?

You better fix things up with her really soon. I’ve been really obvious here—if you still can’t figure out how, then don’t even think to get any second chance.

**Rebecca Catalina**

_Staff, Principal’s Secretary_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Heymans Breda_

_From : Jean Havoc_

_Subject : (No subject)_

Everything’s clear here. Mission accomplished?

**Jean Havoc**

_Coach’s Aide, Physical Education_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Jean Havoc_

_From : Heymans Breda_

_Subject : Re: (No subject)_

Mission accomplished.

**Heymans Breda**

_Teacher, Mathematics_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

_To : Riza Hawkeye_

_From : Roy Mustang_

_Subject : Dear Riza_

Dear Riza,

We hadn’t talked lately, so how was your day? I hope the rain doesn’t give you much trouble when you are commuting to and from work.

I can understand if you are still mad at me. It’s alright. I’m aware that I’m on the wrong side here. I know how much my cowardly action last Saturday (and maybe far beyond that) hurt you. If you still need some more time, you can have it as long as you want.

Honestly, I’ve been wanting to quote a line I once read in Hughes’ classical poems collection. It sounds like this—“ _Then hate me when thou wilt; if ever, now”._ From an objective standpoint, you have every right to resent me, after all I and my damned indecisiveness have done to you.

But then again, I just can’t bring myself to.

Because maybe what they said were true; that I’m a jerk, that I’m a bastard, you mention it… Because despite knowing it all, deep down, I still selfishly hope that you will let me become a variable in your life once more.

And despite having let you down for so many times, I still have the audacity to ask you for a second chance.

I’m not going to say my apologies here—I want to say them directly in front of you. I hope you are free tonight at 8 p.m. I’m bringing us to the place we should had visited last Saturday. Please don’t think of it as a ‘substitute’ for our ruined meeting, for this one might have an entirely different purpose.

I will pick you up at 7.30 p.m in your apartment, unless you wish otherwise.

Please let me know what you think. Thank you, Riza.

Yours,

**Roy Mustang**

_Teacher, Chemistry_

_East Amestris Senior High School | 75 Sycamore Lane, East City_

.

.

**The end**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mustang’s mail was cheesy a fans it is nearly 2 am in the morning and I’ve got an appointment an 6.30 am what is sleep anyway bye
> 
> EDIT : The correct a/n should’ve been “Mustang’s mail was cheesy as fck it is nearly 2 am in the morning and I’ve got an appointment at 6.30 am what is sleep anyway bye.” Fixed some typos and grammatical errors here and there (2 am in the morning!) but I decided to leave this one as it was because it was really convincing lol


	11. Epilogue - On a lazy Sunday

.

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Hey Win**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**What’s that?**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Uh, well, so Mustang and Ms. Riza are an item now…?**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**What**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Where had you been all this time, Ed?! Even Al knew without me telling him first!**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Shuddup. It’s not like their private life is my concern! Why should I know that?**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Because the WHOLE SCHOOL had been on it even since we were still in the tenth grade! Umm… don’t tell me you’re not in the betting pool? We’re even getting to the point where people starts calling her ‘Mrs. Mustang’—not under her consent, obviously, but she didn’t correct it either.**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Uh, no I wasn’t. So it is true then? When?**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Well, us girls suspected it might have been longer. But I think it was confirmed last week when we caught Ms. Riza coming out from Mr. Mustang’s car with him the morning before the school started.**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Damn it. That’s why she never mentioned anything about the hairclip I put on her desk as a birthday present.**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**You what?**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Wha—ugh… no. Nevermind.**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Now that Mr. Mustang had asked Ms. Riza to go official with him already, when are you going to ask me, Ed?**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**YOU WHAT?!?!**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Djhkjaoisj oiajdc aswe**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**PANINYA! IT WAS PANINYA! SHE JUST SNATCHED MY PHONE ANS ASFDVFV**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**We’re totally serious, Ed. If there’s something you and Mr. Mustang have in common, aside from being chemistry nerds, it is that you two are taking it toooooo slowwwww to approach your crushes. Just get with it already – (Rose)**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Yeah listen to what Rose said – (Paninya)**

.

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Ed?**

.

.

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**DON’T MIND WHAT THOSE TWO SAID. UGH.**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**PRANK. It was a PRANK.**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**Uh… Ed?**

.

_To : Edward (+xxxxxxxx311)_

_From : Winry Rockbell (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

**You still there?**

.

_To : Mechanical geek (+xxxxxxxxx947)_

_From : Edward Elric (+xxxxxxxx311)_

**Hello. This is Alphonse Elric speaking. Brother had just ran off somewhere. He said he was going on a jog, even though he was still in his boxers and T-shirt. Brother tends to do weird things when he’s flustered, so I’m apologizing on his behalf if he can’t reply to incoming messages instantly in the time being. Thank you.**

**(Oh, by the way, Win, we got a lot to discuss regarding this … Come on, I’ve been telling you to believe what I said about Brother’s feelings towards you!)**

.

.

.

**The end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else headcanon-ed that Ed once had a childish crush towards Hawkeye, and a jelly Mustang always made sure he put the gifts Hawkeye received were properly put inside the trash bin before she saw them?
> 
> Anyway, how Riza responded to Roy’s email to her in the previous chapter, and what they had done last week the night before they went to work together by the same car—Mustang’s car—are up to your interpretations. *wink*
> 
> So… yeah. Looking at the stats, and considering that I can’t push myself any further to come up with new idea, and the plot… I think this is the best time to end this story.
> 
> My biggest gratitude goes to 1221bookworm, annielcresta, CD64, GrumpyCat503, JustATinyPotato, LadyAureliana, Lady Nightsong, Literature work, OtakuCinnamonRoll, Parlanchina, Samohaya, seta88, Throw an Inkpot, and zaiiixiii for giving their kind words on my story!
> 
> And an even bigger thanks—if this is even possible—to antimoony, bergamots, Elias Cook, fullmetalwords, Guest, Historia Calamitatum, lilaclily00, Mother Of The Universe, RyakaShirokage, ScarredHope, and waddiwasiwitch for their continuous support, generously leaving reviews almost everytime a new chapter popped up.
> 
> And also lanakers for the nice pm, and lanakoiz who reached me on tumblr—even voluntarily discuss many thing regarding You’ve Got Mail with me! XD
> 
> Thank you for staying. Your loves and supports mean a lot. Really.
> 
> Like I said in the first chapter, I’m still a noob in fanfiction-writing, and this is the first time I write a multichap (the rest of my fics are oneshots.) Let alone keeping up with posting new chaps weekly for ten weeks straight! And looking at the stats… I didn’t know *this* many of people would read it XD Besides I was rather insecure that nobody would find my jokes funny... lol
> 
> I don’t know when will I come up with new stories. But I’m sure it will be after I’m done with this overwhelming emotions *ugly sobbings*
> 
> Okay I’ll just end my random blabbers here before it gets even cheesier than Roy’s pick up lines.
> 
> Once again, thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay… how was that? This is my first time writing AU. And writing multichaptered fic. And writing it in unconventional way. So if you find anything weird of a bit off, let me know.  
> Fic inspired by a fanfiction I found on ffn written literally years ago, titled Failing Mailing from Hetalia fandom (it is not in English, though.) That fic was sooo good and funny and I was devastated to see that the author decided to discontinue the fic halfway through… So I kinda want to write something like that (with different plot and settings, of course.)  
> If you happen to stop by this fic, wilting protea, I dedicate this fic to you teehee.  
> Should I continue this? Or should I drop it? Please tell me your thoughts—reviewreviewreview!  
> Thanks for reading! And, ahem, kindly review?


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